1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.LT 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.LT 3 00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:26,875 [jazz music playing] 4 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:25,208 [man] Good morning to you from Lords. 5 00:01:29,791 --> 00:01:31,416 Good morning to you from Lords. 6 00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:34,666 Second England-Australia test match of 1948. 7 00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:38,291 The umpires are out, England fieldsmen, 8 00:01:38,333 --> 00:01:42,000 and here are Barnes and Morris for Australia, 9 00:01:42,041 --> 00:01:43,583 out for a hit with the bat. 10 00:01:46,416 --> 00:01:48,125 [soft music playing] 11 00:01:54,833 --> 00:01:56,458 [crowd cheering] 12 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,250 How's that! 13 00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:29,500 [Alan's mother] Alan! 14 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,000 Ten past eight! 15 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:35,000 What are you doing up there? 16 00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:40,875 Will you try this morning, Alan? 17 00:02:40,916 --> 00:02:43,625 Something? Anything. 18 00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,583 A lightly boiled egg? 19 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:49,291 Please, God, let it be today. 20 00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:53,416 Somehow let it come true today. 21 00:02:53,458 --> 00:02:56,583 A few cornflakes wouldn't hurt you. 22 00:02:56,625 --> 00:02:59,208 I know Thursdays are difficult for you, 23 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,416 what with the girls having doubled domestic science 24 00:03:01,458 --> 00:03:04,041 while we're on double PT, 25 00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:06,166 but if just somehow... 26 00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:09,083 I don't think I can last out another day. 27 00:03:09,125 --> 00:03:10,875 [Alan's mother] If I made you fresh air on toast, 28 00:03:10,916 --> 00:03:12,625 would you eat the toast? 29 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,250 And in return, I promise, 30 00:03:16,291 --> 00:03:18,500 I hereby solemnly promise 31 00:03:18,541 --> 00:03:20,208 that I won't even think about 32 00:03:21,208 --> 00:03:22,500 the other things. 33 00:03:23,208 --> 00:03:26,791 Well, try not to think about the other things. 34 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,500 I didn't all day yesterday, 35 00:03:29,541 --> 00:03:31,166 all last night when I got into bed. 36 00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:33,208 And I'm not now, honest to God, God. 37 00:03:34,416 --> 00:03:35,958 Look, no hands. 38 00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:40,250 Please, God. 39 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:42,875 Today or tomorrow. 40 00:03:43,458 --> 00:03:45,291 Or early next week at the latest, 41 00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,916 weather permitting. 42 00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:50,875 Just one kiss. One will do. 43 00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:53,208 Amen. 44 00:03:58,291 --> 00:04:00,583 And I'll never ask for anything again. 45 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:02,583 Promise. 46 00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:05,916 [Alan's mother] Have you got your towel yet? 47 00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:08,041 Mother, I'm not a child. 48 00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:10,000 [woman] Did you... 49 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,000 Mother, I'm 14. 50 00:04:12,041 --> 00:04:14,916 Pound a penny you didn't Blanco your plimsolls. 51 00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:22,208 [commentator] Bedser snatches the ball out of the air 52 00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:23,750 from Evans' throw, 53 00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:26,791 polishes it on that not inconsiderable chest of his, 54 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,375 and prepares this giant of a man 55 00:04:29,416 --> 00:04:31,541 to bowl yet again to Don Bradman. 56 00:04:31,583 --> 00:04:33,958 And with Bradman, 63, and Australia 57 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,916 a dismaying 235 for one. 58 00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:38,375 Here he comes. 59 00:04:38,416 --> 00:04:40,708 Gathering pace, gathering strength. 60 00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:44,208 Pounding, pounding powerfully up to the wicket. 61 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,500 And he bowls. 62 00:04:46,041 --> 00:04:49,666 Bradman yet again, hooks him convulsively for four, 63 00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:53,041 and Bedser's shoulders droop and grimaces philosophically 64 00:04:53,083 --> 00:04:55,083 at no one in particular. 65 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,250 [groans] 66 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,333 It's cramp. 67 00:05:11,375 --> 00:05:12,916 I've got cramp! 68 00:05:14,166 --> 00:05:17,458 Bloody hellfire and scrotums! 69 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,708 Millions of pounds on education. 70 00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:22,666 It will be with him living under the shadow 71 00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:23,875 of the bomb, I expect. 72 00:05:23,916 --> 00:05:25,291 [groaning] 73 00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:38,208 [children singing hymn] 74 00:05:40,291 --> 00:05:43,833 ♪ All things wise and wonderful ♪ 75 00:05:43,875 --> 00:05:48,083 ♪ The Lord God made them all ♪ 76 00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:52,208 ♪ He gave us eyes to see 77 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,750 Tommy! Tommy! 78 00:05:54,791 --> 00:05:57,458 Hey, Tommy, guess what? 79 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,083 One day you'll break the school record 80 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,708 and turn up at home time. 81 00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:02,333 I've just seen a miracle. 82 00:06:02,375 --> 00:06:04,000 I reckon you're gonna bloody need one. 83 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:06,916 Just now I was witness to a phenomenon 84 00:06:06,958 --> 00:06:08,416 and to a miracle. 85 00:06:08,458 --> 00:06:10,041 How many times a week do you have to be late 86 00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:11,583 before you get your ass clattered? 87 00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:13,666 -Three. -And what's today make? 88 00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,041 Four. 89 00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:19,291 Are you feeling any happier this morning? 90 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,041 Sod off in with you. 91 00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:23,041 P'tang yang kipperbang. Uh! 92 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,958 Get in. 93 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,791 [gentle music playing] 94 00:06:43,625 --> 00:06:44,875 Good evening, Duckworth. 95 00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:46,583 Sorry I'm late, Miss Land. 96 00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:49,916 Do you know what time school actually starts? 97 00:06:49,958 --> 00:06:53,250 And anyone who says no, it's always started 98 00:06:53,291 --> 00:06:57,208 by the time he gets here, sees the headmaster at once. 99 00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,833 You're seeing him at 12. 100 00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:02,000 Yes, Miss. Thank you. Miss. 101 00:07:02,041 --> 00:07:04,875 Silent reading. The Mill on the Floss. 102 00:07:04,916 --> 00:07:08,458 Chapter seven. Questions at the end of the lesson. 103 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:10,250 [speaking indistinctly] 104 00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:13,833 Who was that? 105 00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:21,583 P'tang yang kipperbang. Uh! 106 00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:24,333 P'tang yang kipperbang. Uh! 107 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:27,541 All right. Who's moaning and groaning? 108 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,666 The next person who moans and groans 109 00:07:32,708 --> 00:07:34,375 will stand outside the door 110 00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:36,750 while thinking of an explanation for the headmaster. 111 00:07:45,791 --> 00:07:47,750 -We should've fought back. -With what? 112 00:07:47,791 --> 00:07:49,625 He doesn't know what time school starts. 113 00:07:49,666 --> 00:07:50,875 Could've said it started by... 114 00:07:50,916 --> 00:07:52,916 Duckworth! Get out! 115 00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:54,833 But please, Miss. Alan just got in. 116 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,916 All right, both of you, outside the door. 117 00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:00,875 Impudence and impertinence. 118 00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:07,875 Since silent reading appears to be a contradiction in terms, 119 00:08:07,916 --> 00:08:11,083 we'll now have reading aloud, and you start 120 00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:14,166 at the top of page 380. 121 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:23,666 "A little extra paleness, a little tension of the nostril 122 00:08:23,708 --> 00:08:27,083 "when he spoke, and the voice pitched in rather a higher key, 123 00:08:27,125 --> 00:08:30,666 "that to strangers would seem expressive or cold indifference 124 00:08:30,708 --> 00:08:32,500 "were all the signs Philip usually gave 125 00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:34,000 "of an inward drama." 126 00:08:34,625 --> 00:08:38,083 Which, unlike the oak leaf, is ovate elliptic 127 00:08:38,125 --> 00:08:41,041 rather than auricular, although acute at the apex. 128 00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:43,625 Notice the straight lateral nerves 129 00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:45,375 and the slightly toothed edge. 130 00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:49,125 These appear in early May when the tree begins to flower, 131 00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:50,958 and here it's similar to the oak 132 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,625 in that the flowers are unisexual. 133 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,500 [kids chuckling] 134 00:08:56,708 --> 00:08:58,416 Females are clusters around the stalks 135 00:08:58,458 --> 00:09:00,708 and the males globular and... 136 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,166 Duckworth. 137 00:09:04,208 --> 00:09:05,625 Duckworth. 138 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,000 Well? 139 00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:09,958 I didn't hear the question, miss. 140 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,666 I didn't ask you one. 141 00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:15,583 You're daydreaming again. 142 00:09:16,291 --> 00:09:19,791 The whole point of nature study is to study nature. 143 00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,000 Yes, Miss. 144 00:09:21,041 --> 00:09:22,708 Not to daydream. 145 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,333 No, Miss. 146 00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:27,750 And daydreaming isn't studying nature, is it? 147 00:09:31,583 --> 00:09:32,583 Is it? 148 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,791 No, Miss. 149 00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:39,250 No. 150 00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:40,458 Jolly dee. 151 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,416 Next! 152 00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:47,750 Next! 153 00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:49,875 Inside? 154 00:09:49,916 --> 00:09:51,375 -Definitely. -Next! 155 00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:54,250 With your hand? 156 00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:56,500 What do you think? My elbow? 157 00:09:56,958 --> 00:09:59,208 -Next! -She let you? 158 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,791 It was her idea. 159 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,333 Actually inside her brassiere? 160 00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:09,041 Next to her heaving, naked white flesh? 161 00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:11,375 Near enough. 162 00:10:11,416 --> 00:10:12,666 What? 163 00:10:13,958 --> 00:10:15,833 Definitely inside the blouse. 164 00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,458 Well, it's more than you've ever got. 165 00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:22,833 Interior blouses in between a blouse and a brassiere. 166 00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:24,708 -Next! -It's the real thing. 167 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,000 Sod off, Shaz. 168 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:28,958 For God's sake, she's not completely shagnasty. 169 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,125 I only had to lend her my protractor and compass. 170 00:10:31,166 --> 00:10:33,041 -I could hardly-- -Talking, Willoughby? 171 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,375 No, sir. Coughing, sir. 172 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,375 You are a lying toad, Willoughby. 173 00:10:36,416 --> 00:10:37,541 What are you? 174 00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:38,666 Lying toad, sir. 175 00:10:38,708 --> 00:10:40,500 Of the first what, Willoughby? 176 00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:41,791 First what, sir? 177 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:45,375 On the wall bars, then, please. Good Friday. 178 00:10:45,416 --> 00:10:47,958 -But please, sir. -On the count of three. 179 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,250 Three! 180 00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:52,625 And feet off. 181 00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,000 Next! 182 00:10:56,791 --> 00:10:57,833 Next! 183 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,000 Next. 184 00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,708 Next. Next! 185 00:11:08,416 --> 00:11:10,416 -Duckworth. -Yes, sir. 186 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,875 From the headmaster. 187 00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:15,333 Your presence is requested in his study now. Go! 188 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,875 -I'll just get my pants. -Now! 189 00:11:18,916 --> 00:11:20,833 But, sir, I need the pants. 190 00:11:20,875 --> 00:11:22,083 Now! 191 00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:29,750 All right, Willoughby. Easter Monday. 192 00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:32,500 Next. 193 00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,458 -Any news? -Nothing. 194 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,458 -Nothing? -Nothing. 195 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:02,666 Oh, hell. 196 00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:05,291 Exactly. A living hell. 197 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,875 Thank you. 198 00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:09,791 -[knock on door] -Come. 199 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,583 Duckworth, is it? 200 00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:17,125 Yes, sir. Thank you sir. 201 00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:25,500 Persistently late four times, eh? 202 00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:28,500 Weren't you given detention for the first two? 203 00:12:28,541 --> 00:12:29,791 Yes, sir. 204 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,416 And you were late for that as well. 205 00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:33,875 Just slightly, sir. 206 00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:35,958 Well, Duckworth, as you well know, 207 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,000 I do not believe in corporal punishment. 208 00:12:38,041 --> 00:12:39,583 No, sir. 209 00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,750 I therefore prefer you to regard what is about to happen 210 00:12:41,791 --> 00:12:43,250 purely as a deterrent. 211 00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:44,791 Yes, sir. Thank you sir. 212 00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:46,041 Bend over. 213 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:48,750 Sir, the reason today was I saw a miracle, 214 00:12:48,791 --> 00:12:51,458 a scientific miracle. 215 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,333 A lifetime in the teaching profession 216 00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:55,125 has taught me that miracles 217 00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:58,250 are for weekends and holidays only. 218 00:12:58,291 --> 00:13:00,041 Toes, please. 219 00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,583 [commentator] And it's Keith Miller now, 220 00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:04,541 bat menacingly poised, facing Jim Laker. 221 00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,833 And with a flick of the wrist, 222 00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:10,375 Miller drives him savagely through the covers for four. 223 00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,250 And Miller, ever the perfectionist, 224 00:13:15,291 --> 00:13:18,333 changes his bat, dances down the wicket 225 00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:21,125 and smashes him viciously to the boundary. 226 00:13:21,666 --> 00:13:23,541 And that's the end of the over. 227 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:25,041 Not finished yet, Duckworth. 228 00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:27,375 [commentator] Sorry, I miscounted. 229 00:13:27,416 --> 00:13:30,791 Wishful thinking on my part, and no doubt, England. 230 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:32,500 There's one more to come. 231 00:13:32,541 --> 00:13:34,708 And Jim Laker peers at Miller, 232 00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:36,625 peers at the scoreboard, 233 00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:39,916 and in my fancy, peers deep into his own soul. 234 00:13:43,958 --> 00:13:46,500 -[blow] -And it's a six. 235 00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:49,333 Laker rolls his eyes 236 00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:52,000 up to the Saint John's Wood, heading in search. 237 00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:53,375 [stick clatters] 238 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,666 But little hope of justice. 239 00:13:55,708 --> 00:13:58,458 Off you pop, laddie. 240 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,875 No rubbing better till you're back in class. 241 00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,000 And even then, only within reason 242 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:05,250 in front of female members of staff. 243 00:14:05,291 --> 00:14:06,958 [all chattering] 244 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,625 How did you get, corporal or sergeant? 245 00:14:19,666 --> 00:14:20,916 Sergeant. 246 00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:23,083 -Can I have your pudding? -It's Abbo's turn. 247 00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:25,625 Don't you ever die of mass starvation? 248 00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:26,958 Shift, boy. 249 00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:46,833 [groans] 250 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,208 Twist. 251 00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:54,250 -Seven. -Bust! 252 00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:56,500 Shaz? 253 00:14:56,541 --> 00:14:57,791 Stick. 254 00:14:57,833 --> 00:15:00,666 -Pay 21. -Pay me. 255 00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:04,750 Jammy sod. 256 00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,666 Have you ever trodden on a big fat spider 257 00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,416 and seen millions of little spiders come running out? 258 00:15:11,666 --> 00:15:12,708 Cut. 259 00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:14,791 Well, have you? 260 00:15:14,833 --> 00:15:16,250 Have you what? 261 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:19,583 God. Deafness incorporated. 262 00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:22,750 Have you ever burst a great bulbous spider 263 00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,041 and thousands of miniature ones come dashing out? 264 00:15:25,083 --> 00:15:26,291 No. 265 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,958 What would you think if you did? 266 00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:30,750 Twist. 267 00:15:30,791 --> 00:15:32,000 That I've been overdoing it, 268 00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:33,666 and my mind had gone for a Burton. 269 00:15:33,708 --> 00:15:35,166 Are you sticking? 270 00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:37,208 Are they doing what? 271 00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:40,750 What do you think? 272 00:15:40,791 --> 00:15:43,291 Oh, no. Twist. 273 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:44,583 Nine. 274 00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:47,458 Overdoing it with a girl, you mean? 275 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,250 Not with a girl. 276 00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:50,541 If you had a girl, you'd have no need 277 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:51,833 to do it at all, would you? 278 00:15:51,875 --> 00:15:53,166 Oh, that. 279 00:15:55,291 --> 00:15:58,291 It can't make you think you've seen spiders, can it? 280 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,041 -Twist. -King. 281 00:16:01,958 --> 00:16:04,083 How could he twist? He's already got... 282 00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,458 Why have you been? 283 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,041 What? Singing or overdoing it? 284 00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,333 48. 285 00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,291 He's bust 27 times over. 286 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:11,750 I've been doing neither. 287 00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:14,250 Sod off quack, quack. You're getting on my nerves. 288 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,666 Pond two. 289 00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:18,791 Match null and void. 290 00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:20,500 Ungentlemanly play from quack quack. 291 00:16:20,541 --> 00:16:22,208 But I've done him pond two. 292 00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,791 Go on, scarper. 293 00:16:25,791 --> 00:16:27,000 P'tang yang kipperbang. 294 00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:32,000 Anyone fancies some... 295 00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:33,625 [boy] What are you playing for? 296 00:16:33,666 --> 00:16:35,875 -Sweet coupons. -Hang on a sec. 297 00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:38,958 I never get pond two. 298 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,250 Next is Shaz. 299 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,958 How many for Shaz? 300 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,500 [girls laughing] 301 00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:50,250 Next, Lawrence. How many? 302 00:16:51,625 --> 00:16:53,375 [girls laughing] 303 00:16:53,416 --> 00:16:54,583 He's not all that bad. 304 00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:56,625 He's grotesque to the nth degree. 305 00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:58,000 His quiff's nice. 306 00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,625 [all exclaiming] 307 00:16:59,666 --> 00:17:02,125 Next is Geoffrey. 308 00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:03,750 Geoffrey Whitaker. 309 00:17:12,125 --> 00:17:13,875 Which means that from now on, there'll never be 310 00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:15,666 any more wars ever again. 311 00:17:15,708 --> 00:17:18,458 For the simple reason that the United Nations 312 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,708 will insist there's no more wars. 313 00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,583 Any country wants to invade another, 314 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:26,166 well, the United Nations will vote against it. 315 00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:27,666 QED. 316 00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:30,750 So what you and all the other Tommies did, 317 00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:32,833 what you all did with our gallant allies 318 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:35,458 and comrades across the seas in Commonwealth, 319 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:36,750 facing the foe 320 00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:39,125 in whatever theaters of human conflict in... 321 00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:41,250 -Where was it? -Where was what? 322 00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:43,958 The theaters of human conflict. You know, where you fought. 323 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:48,625 Oh, Dunkirk, El Alamein, battle of the Bulge and Burma. 324 00:17:48,666 --> 00:17:52,750 Dunkirk, El Alamein, the battle of the Bulge and Burma. 325 00:17:52,791 --> 00:17:55,416 What you did was not just defeat Hitler's Germany 326 00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:58,166 and Japan's Japan. 327 00:17:58,208 --> 00:18:00,125 I mean, let's face it, 328 00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,833 you changed the future of the world. 329 00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:04,083 Look, watch your toes. You're in my way a bit. 330 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,250 Sorry... 331 00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:10,208 Is it still worrying you? 332 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:11,500 What? 333 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:13,458 I don't know, whatever's been worrying you. 334 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:15,583 I'll survive. 335 00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:19,708 Is it the Australians winning the test? 336 00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:22,375 No, no. 337 00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:25,166 It's nothing. Nothing to worry about. 338 00:18:27,291 --> 00:18:29,041 P'tang, Yang, Kipperbang. Uh! 339 00:18:29,583 --> 00:18:31,916 P'tang yang kipperbang. Uh! 340 00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:36,416 Hang on a minute, Colin. 341 00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:44,666 Pound to a penny, he's been trying to kiss her. 342 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,500 Kiss her? 343 00:18:47,541 --> 00:18:48,875 Pound to a penny. 344 00:18:50,583 --> 00:18:52,833 Have you got a girlfriend? 345 00:18:52,875 --> 00:18:54,708 I've got red hands. 346 00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:55,958 Eh? 347 00:18:56,875 --> 00:19:00,416 The skin's very red and thin, like, transparent 348 00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,375 with chewed up nails. 349 00:19:02,416 --> 00:19:04,416 I hate my hands 350 00:19:04,458 --> 00:19:08,000 and my neck as thin as well. 351 00:19:08,041 --> 00:19:11,458 And my feet sweat, and my hands. 352 00:19:12,875 --> 00:19:14,833 That's probably why they're always red. 353 00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:18,291 My face goes red a lot as well. 354 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:22,208 Not blushing, I don't think. I don't blush. 355 00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:25,291 Just go red. It's only a face. 356 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,458 Bums are nothing, really. 357 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,416 Everyone's got a bum. Always have had. 358 00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:32,000 They're nothing to be ashamed of. 359 00:19:32,583 --> 00:19:34,833 Dicks aren't either. Everyone's got a dick. 360 00:19:35,583 --> 00:19:38,708 It's only the human torso. Tits included. 361 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:41,833 I mean, they're just for feeding babies, 362 00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:43,375 not for bouncing about. 363 00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:45,666 The same goes for getting a feel. 364 00:19:47,666 --> 00:19:49,041 Kissing is different. 365 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,208 A kiss is... 366 00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:54,458 Girls like it as well, you know. 367 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,041 Like what? 368 00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,125 What boys like. 369 00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,875 Some of them bloody love it. 370 00:20:01,416 --> 00:20:03,375 I'm not talking about just French kiss. 371 00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:04,666 I'm not. 372 00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:09,833 Anyway, I don't bother myself. 373 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,125 I've got my cricket. Best get back. 374 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,041 [all chatting] 375 00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:20,583 Attention please. 376 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,541 Backsplash everywhere. 377 00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:26,041 -May I have backsplash, please? -[all] No. 378 00:20:27,333 --> 00:20:28,583 Thank you. 379 00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:30,958 We, the girls of Bobby have voted on 380 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,125 who is the dishiest boy in the class. 381 00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:34,708 For prefect, of course. 382 00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:36,250 We're allowed two votes each. 383 00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:39,708 Green ones in the wash, Eunice? 384 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,791 Oh, shut your face, piggy features. 385 00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:43,125 Pig features. 386 00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,833 I assume I didn't get her vote, then. 387 00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:46,250 [chuckling] 388 00:20:47,208 --> 00:20:49,708 Belt up, everybody, it's nearly half past. 389 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,000 The dishiest boy in the class contest. 390 00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:55,541 Votes for each boy are as follows. 391 00:20:56,416 --> 00:20:59,000 First, Geoffrey. 392 00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:00,541 -[all exclaiming] -Eight votes. 393 00:21:03,875 --> 00:21:07,041 Second, Philip. Four votes. 394 00:21:08,875 --> 00:21:11,583 Third equals... Robert. 395 00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:14,416 Creeping sirup and Stephen, three votes. 396 00:21:14,458 --> 00:21:15,916 Fourth, Shaz. 397 00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:17,625 -Wise choice ladies. -Nice. 398 00:21:17,666 --> 00:21:19,541 And fifth equals 399 00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:24,416 Quasimodo... 400 00:21:24,458 --> 00:21:25,750 One vote. 401 00:21:26,416 --> 00:21:29,500 And last, definitely least, 402 00:21:29,791 --> 00:21:31,208 Abbo, no vote. 403 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,750 Give him the money. 404 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:35,416 Do a re-count, give me that paper. 405 00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:37,041 [school bell ringing] 406 00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:40,708 Where's my paper? Who's got my paper? 407 00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:44,791 How many did I get? 408 00:21:45,291 --> 00:21:46,750 Marjorie, how many did I get? 409 00:21:46,791 --> 00:21:48,041 What? 410 00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:49,458 No, I was just remarking. 411 00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:51,291 Oh, bloody... 412 00:21:51,916 --> 00:21:54,375 Unit, we forgot to vote for Quack Quack. 413 00:21:54,416 --> 00:21:55,916 Huh? [gasps] 414 00:21:55,958 --> 00:21:58,208 Oh, sorry, Quack Quack. We didn't have you down. 415 00:22:00,791 --> 00:22:02,958 [speaking French] 416 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,750 [speaking French] 417 00:22:10,375 --> 00:22:12,333 [speaking French] 418 00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:16,750 Parker. 419 00:22:16,791 --> 00:22:17,833 Sir? 420 00:22:17,875 --> 00:22:19,916 ... 421 00:22:19,958 --> 00:22:20,916 Yes, sir. 422 00:22:20,958 --> 00:22:23,166 [speaking French] 423 00:22:25,458 --> 00:22:27,916 [commentator] Well, cricket can be a cruel game. 424 00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:31,791 It seems now that England are faced with an impossible task, 425 00:22:31,833 --> 00:22:36,083 454 behind and playing like a bunch of schoolgirls. 426 00:22:36,125 --> 00:22:39,166 It's enough to make strong men weep. 427 00:22:40,375 --> 00:22:43,583 However, it's a funny old game, this cricket. 428 00:22:43,625 --> 00:22:47,166 It's been said before, and no doubt it'll be said again 429 00:22:47,208 --> 00:22:50,000 that a game's never lost till it's won. 430 00:22:51,708 --> 00:22:53,958 Ah, well, we shall see. 431 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,208 I'm sorry, sir, I can't do drama. 432 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:57,541 Not this term. 433 00:22:58,208 --> 00:23:00,916 The school play is hardly drama, Estelle. 434 00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:04,041 Rehearsals will be for three weeks. 435 00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,833 I've got it all written out on graph paper, 436 00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:08,000 with the dates in red and everything. 437 00:23:08,041 --> 00:23:09,666 I'm sorry, sir. I'm... 438 00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:12,541 I have things on my mind just at present. 439 00:23:12,583 --> 00:23:14,291 And please don't call me Estelle. 440 00:23:14,333 --> 00:23:17,291 Aren't we forgetting something, Estelle? 441 00:23:17,333 --> 00:23:18,625 Are we? 442 00:23:18,666 --> 00:23:20,250 You can't learn to play the game of rugby 443 00:23:20,291 --> 00:23:22,916 till you learn to play the game of life. 444 00:23:22,958 --> 00:23:24,708 But I'm not taking rugby as well, am I? 445 00:23:26,583 --> 00:23:28,958 -It's a saying. -Oh, I see. 446 00:23:30,916 --> 00:23:32,916 The tables talent. 447 00:23:32,958 --> 00:23:35,500 PJ Latimer, Ma Oxon. 448 00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:38,291 A play in one act, suitable for schools. 449 00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:40,541 Cast, two boys and one girl. 450 00:23:41,208 --> 00:23:43,333 We can use the same scenery as we did for last year's trial. 451 00:23:43,375 --> 00:23:46,291 These next few weeks till the end of term are a bit... 452 00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,083 I'd be grateful, sir, if someone else could. 453 00:23:49,416 --> 00:23:50,583 Seems silly calling me sir 454 00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:52,166 when there's no one else in the room. 455 00:23:52,208 --> 00:23:53,333 Please. 456 00:23:54,916 --> 00:23:57,500 I never see you these days, Estelle. 457 00:23:57,541 --> 00:24:00,750 Those days are over. These days aren't those days. 458 00:24:00,791 --> 00:24:03,166 The war's been over a long time now. 459 00:24:05,708 --> 00:24:09,625 And all the young men have come marching home again. 460 00:24:09,666 --> 00:24:12,291 I thought we'd agreed to draw a veil over the war, Henry. 461 00:24:12,333 --> 00:24:13,916 Ever since V-J night. 462 00:24:17,458 --> 00:24:20,458 Well, one man's war is another man's... 463 00:24:22,833 --> 00:24:25,583 You know, those days you kept me young, Estelle. 464 00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:28,916 These days all I do is get older. 465 00:24:31,833 --> 00:24:34,291 Sometimes in morning assembly 466 00:24:34,333 --> 00:24:35,500 I find myself falling asleep 467 00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:37,791 during "Onward Christian Soldiers". 468 00:24:37,833 --> 00:24:39,375 Who doesn't? 469 00:24:40,958 --> 00:24:43,250 While I'm actually singing it though. 470 00:24:45,666 --> 00:24:46,958 [sighs] 471 00:24:51,083 --> 00:24:52,333 Well... 472 00:24:54,375 --> 00:24:57,083 I can't guarantee it'll be "Mrs. Miniver". 473 00:24:57,125 --> 00:24:58,333 Thank you, Estelle. 474 00:24:58,375 --> 00:24:59,750 You're welcome, sir. 475 00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,333 [school bell ringing] 476 00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:18,083 You boys really... 477 00:25:18,125 --> 00:25:19,666 A girl just isn't safe. 478 00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:21,750 You're horrible. 479 00:25:21,791 --> 00:25:24,041 It's every night the same. 480 00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:25,333 I'm disgusted with you. 481 00:25:25,375 --> 00:25:26,500 I am truly. 482 00:25:28,416 --> 00:25:31,625 Hey, you can quit that for kick off. 483 00:25:31,666 --> 00:25:33,291 You pig. 484 00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:35,375 You've had your ration, Quack Quack. 485 00:25:35,416 --> 00:25:36,708 Sorry, Eunis. 486 00:25:36,750 --> 00:25:41,166 Honestly, I don't know what gets into you. 487 00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:42,458 What are you thinking of? 488 00:25:44,625 --> 00:25:45,875 Miss Land. 489 00:25:48,541 --> 00:25:50,250 -Estelle. -We can be seen. 490 00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:52,125 Still nothing? 491 00:25:52,166 --> 00:25:53,541 Oh, for God's sake. 492 00:25:54,625 --> 00:25:56,333 Is there anything I can do? 493 00:25:56,375 --> 00:25:58,458 I think you've done enough already, don't you? 494 00:26:00,750 --> 00:26:03,875 What he did in Dunkirk, El Alamein, 495 00:26:03,916 --> 00:26:05,833 the battle of the Bulge in Burma 496 00:26:05,875 --> 00:26:08,416 was change the future of mankind. 497 00:26:08,458 --> 00:26:11,333 On those far off shores and foreign crimes, 498 00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:13,291 with his courage and heroism 499 00:26:13,333 --> 00:26:16,250 above and beyond the call of, uh... 500 00:26:16,291 --> 00:26:18,708 Anyway, see you tomorrow, modern generation. 501 00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:21,208 -Where are you going? -Errand for my dad. 502 00:26:21,250 --> 00:26:22,750 ... 503 00:26:22,791 --> 00:26:24,125 Where? 504 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,625 Palmerston Avenue way. 505 00:26:25,666 --> 00:26:27,083 Well, don't walk too fast. 506 00:26:27,125 --> 00:26:28,625 You'll catch Smelly Lawton up. 507 00:26:28,666 --> 00:26:31,041 Smelly Lawton? Blimey! 508 00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:33,875 I've better things to do than catch her up. 509 00:26:33,916 --> 00:26:35,083 See you tomorrow, men. 510 00:26:35,125 --> 00:26:36,333 Coming to the flicks tonight? 511 00:26:36,375 --> 00:26:37,750 Homework. 512 00:26:37,791 --> 00:26:40,166 Got double Cicero for hand farting in Latin. 513 00:26:40,958 --> 00:26:43,333 P'tang, Yang, Kipperbang. Uh! 514 00:26:43,375 --> 00:26:45,875 P'tang yang kipperbang. Uh! 515 00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:49,500 [commentator] So then, 365 runs still to get, 516 00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:51,458 and only one wicket left 517 00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:54,625 before inevitable and overwhelming defeat. 518 00:26:54,666 --> 00:26:56,958 And here comes the last England batsman. 519 00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:01,541 I don't believe it. It's unbelievable. 520 00:27:01,583 --> 00:27:04,041 All of Lords is flabbergasted. 521 00:27:04,083 --> 00:27:06,333 Making his way to the wicket, and in doing so 522 00:27:06,375 --> 00:27:09,208 making his test debut is a schoolboy. 523 00:27:09,250 --> 00:27:11,333 It's unheard of. Who can he be? 524 00:27:12,958 --> 00:27:15,250 Well, his name apparently is Alan Duckworth. 525 00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:16,750 He's 14 years old 526 00:27:16,791 --> 00:27:19,375 and he's known to his friends as Quack Quack. 527 00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:23,250 Can this callow youth save the day for England? 528 00:27:23,791 --> 00:27:26,375 Can this 14-year-old cricketer 529 00:27:26,416 --> 00:27:28,708 make a schoolboy dream come true? 530 00:27:29,541 --> 00:27:31,666 Can this young warrior striding out, 531 00:27:31,708 --> 00:27:33,666 stiffening his slender neck, 532 00:27:33,708 --> 00:27:36,208 can he change the course of destiny? 533 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,000 Well, now's his big chance. 534 00:27:42,125 --> 00:27:44,791 Duckworth's courage fails him. 535 00:27:44,833 --> 00:27:46,750 And Lindwall knows it. 536 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:51,875 And Duckworth, bat between his legs, 537 00:27:51,916 --> 00:27:54,708 looks as though he's trying to pretend he's not even there 538 00:27:54,750 --> 00:27:56,791 and he's a bit of a lolloper, this boy. 539 00:27:56,833 --> 00:27:58,416 He lollops. 540 00:27:58,458 --> 00:28:01,666 And he turns back towards the pavilion. 541 00:28:01,708 --> 00:28:03,583 Has he given up already 542 00:28:03,625 --> 00:28:05,083 or is he going to change it back? 543 00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:07,500 In either event, he appears just 544 00:28:07,541 --> 00:28:09,958 a little annoyed with himself, 545 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,666 perhaps a little frustrated. 546 00:28:12,708 --> 00:28:13,916 [clattering] 547 00:28:31,875 --> 00:28:34,791 I blame Dickie Valentine and Lita Roza. 548 00:28:39,791 --> 00:28:41,458 [indistinct talking] 549 00:28:46,916 --> 00:28:48,041 I mean... 550 00:28:51,208 --> 00:28:52,625 Well, fair's fair. 551 00:28:52,666 --> 00:28:54,833 I mean, marriage is out the question, isn't it? 552 00:28:54,875 --> 00:28:57,500 Thank you. So much for the age of chivalry. 553 00:28:57,541 --> 00:28:59,541 No, I mean, you'd get the sack. 554 00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:02,125 -Me... -I know what you mean. 555 00:29:02,166 --> 00:29:03,375 Thank you. 556 00:29:05,625 --> 00:29:07,333 I don't even like you. 557 00:29:07,375 --> 00:29:09,666 I know. 558 00:29:09,708 --> 00:29:11,791 You give me the screaming abdabs. 559 00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:15,166 Just not each other's type. 560 00:29:15,708 --> 00:29:16,875 No. 561 00:29:19,750 --> 00:29:21,500 Up the creek without a paddle. 562 00:29:26,583 --> 00:29:28,083 Maybe it's just the weather. 563 00:29:28,583 --> 00:29:30,375 Sometimes the weather makes women... 564 00:29:32,041 --> 00:29:34,583 -Other worry. -Oh, how can it be the worry? 565 00:29:34,625 --> 00:29:37,125 I wouldn't have the worry if it wasn't for the worry. 566 00:29:40,791 --> 00:29:42,958 Has it never been like this before? 567 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,083 You know it hasn't. 568 00:29:45,125 --> 00:29:46,666 Sorry, I mean 569 00:29:47,500 --> 00:29:48,500 before me. 570 00:29:54,958 --> 00:29:56,875 What are you suggesting? 571 00:30:01,416 --> 00:30:03,250 Well, I mean, fair is fair. 572 00:30:03,291 --> 00:30:05,375 I wasn't the first, was I? 573 00:30:06,583 --> 00:30:08,250 Virtually. 574 00:30:08,291 --> 00:30:10,375 Fair's fair. 575 00:30:10,416 --> 00:30:12,333 Apart from during the war. 576 00:30:13,583 --> 00:30:15,625 With a respectable married man. 577 00:30:16,375 --> 00:30:17,583 Not young. 578 00:30:18,333 --> 00:30:21,208 A professional man academically. 579 00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:22,958 He was the only one before you. 580 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,708 Apart from a few times just after the war 581 00:30:27,750 --> 00:30:29,500 with an American quartermaster sergeant. 582 00:30:31,041 --> 00:30:32,000 Americans? 583 00:30:32,041 --> 00:30:34,166 One. One American. 584 00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:37,416 Virtually. 585 00:30:37,458 --> 00:30:39,291 Old men and Yanks? 586 00:30:39,875 --> 00:30:42,458 Bloody old two-faced fogies and randy yanks, 587 00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:44,833 whilst me and my uppers are spilling blood and guts 588 00:30:44,875 --> 00:30:47,208 all over Dunkirk, 589 00:30:47,250 --> 00:30:50,625 El Alamein, battle of the Bulge in sodden Burma. 590 00:30:52,208 --> 00:30:54,041 Seemed a good idea at the time. 591 00:30:56,375 --> 00:30:58,416 I thought it might lead to something. 592 00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:02,458 I couldn't read. the future, could I? 593 00:31:03,500 --> 00:31:06,208 I didn't know that one day I was going to be stuck with you. 594 00:31:09,625 --> 00:31:10,833 Well... 595 00:31:12,958 --> 00:31:14,458 Was it ever this late with them? 596 00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:17,041 Well, it can't have been, can it, Tommy? 597 00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:19,958 Otherwise, I definitely wouldn't be stuck here with you. 598 00:31:25,125 --> 00:31:26,250 Very good. 599 00:31:26,291 --> 00:31:28,666 I followed her down her street. 600 00:31:28,708 --> 00:31:31,458 I thought that might have given you a good opportunity. 601 00:31:32,375 --> 00:31:33,958 But it was not to be. 602 00:31:35,666 --> 00:31:38,750 So please, God, let it be tomorrow. 603 00:31:39,666 --> 00:31:41,458 If poss. 604 00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:43,166 Or the day after, 605 00:31:44,083 --> 00:31:46,666 or at the latest before the end of term. 606 00:31:47,541 --> 00:31:50,625 I never lost the summer holidays without kissing her. 607 00:31:52,291 --> 00:31:53,708 Kissing her. 608 00:31:55,208 --> 00:31:58,416 Kissing her on her lips. 609 00:32:01,625 --> 00:32:03,541 Kissing her lips. 610 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,541 Kissing her. 611 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,541 Please help me. 612 00:32:12,583 --> 00:32:14,583 If you could just see your way to taking 613 00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:16,583 some of the red out of my hands, 614 00:32:17,416 --> 00:32:19,625 and thicken out my neck a little, 615 00:32:19,666 --> 00:32:22,583 and stop my feet from punching. 616 00:32:22,625 --> 00:32:25,000 And let me kiss Ann's lips. 617 00:32:27,250 --> 00:32:29,208 Please, God. 618 00:32:29,250 --> 00:32:30,625 Let Tommy, cheer up 619 00:32:30,666 --> 00:32:33,083 and stop being so depressed all the time. 620 00:32:34,916 --> 00:32:38,500 And let England beat Australia. 621 00:32:38,541 --> 00:32:41,708 And that spider I split in two be all right. 622 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:45,750 Please God, 623 00:32:45,791 --> 00:32:47,875 let me stop crying all the time. 624 00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:52,250 I wouldn't if you'd just let me kiss her. 625 00:32:53,208 --> 00:32:55,083 I'll never cry again. 626 00:32:59,916 --> 00:33:02,750 P'tang, Yang, Kipperbang. Uh! 627 00:33:09,583 --> 00:33:11,208 [indistinct chatter] 628 00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:19,250 Estelle, were you aware that 629 00:33:19,291 --> 00:33:22,250 Geoffrey Whitaker is the matinee idol of 4B? 630 00:33:22,916 --> 00:33:25,333 Sorry. 631 00:33:25,375 --> 00:33:28,583 I assume that dishiest means the only one... 632 00:33:29,666 --> 00:33:33,000 Because by ensuring victory over the Axis powers and Huns 633 00:33:33,041 --> 00:33:35,916 what you've done is A, ensured peace for all mankind. 634 00:33:35,958 --> 00:33:37,375 Full stop. 635 00:33:37,416 --> 00:33:39,625 B, made all men brothers forever, 636 00:33:39,666 --> 00:33:42,666 irrespective of race, color or... 637 00:33:42,708 --> 00:33:44,750 What is it? Creed. 638 00:33:44,791 --> 00:33:46,791 And C, ended the class struggle. 639 00:33:46,833 --> 00:33:50,166 From now on there'll never again be poverty, disease and hunger 640 00:33:50,208 --> 00:33:52,583 and everyone will be equal with a full and rich life, 641 00:33:52,625 --> 00:33:54,041 probably all speaking Esperanto. 642 00:33:54,666 --> 00:33:57,125 The best example is teasmade. 643 00:33:57,166 --> 00:33:59,083 -What? -Teasmade. 644 00:33:59,125 --> 00:34:00,791 What about them? 645 00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:02,583 For a cup of tea when you wake up. 646 00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:04,250 Best example of what though? 647 00:34:04,291 --> 00:34:06,500 Of what I've been saying. 648 00:34:06,541 --> 00:34:09,875 In time, everyone on earth will have a teasmade 649 00:34:09,916 --> 00:34:13,041 irrespective of race, color or creed. 650 00:34:13,083 --> 00:34:14,666 You can't stop progress. 651 00:34:15,250 --> 00:34:17,458 I bet that's something you never thought about El Alamein. 652 00:34:19,750 --> 00:34:22,041 I can't eat either. 653 00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:23,375 Won't go down. 654 00:34:23,416 --> 00:34:24,958 -[school bell ringing] -Hells bells! I'm late. 655 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,208 Oh. 656 00:34:29,875 --> 00:34:32,125 Lessons. 657 00:34:32,166 --> 00:34:34,708 Which not a simile, of course, 658 00:34:34,750 --> 00:34:37,458 nor, in the strict sense even a metaphor. 659 00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:39,708 -It is nevertheless -[motor sputtering] 660 00:34:39,750 --> 00:34:43,041 the example of George Eliot's consistent... 661 00:34:48,208 --> 00:34:50,166 [motor whirring] 662 00:34:55,458 --> 00:34:56,833 [clears throat] 663 00:34:57,541 --> 00:34:59,958 As I was saying, in the... 664 00:35:09,250 --> 00:35:10,958 What was I saying? 665 00:35:13,375 --> 00:35:14,833 About it not being a metaphor, Miss. 666 00:35:14,875 --> 00:35:16,291 Exactly, Whitaker. 667 00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:20,166 [lawn mower running] 668 00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:30,791 About what not being a metaphor? 669 00:35:33,250 --> 00:35:35,000 George Eliot's imagery, Miss. 670 00:35:35,041 --> 00:35:36,708 Well done, Whittaker. 671 00:35:37,583 --> 00:35:40,916 Thank goodness someone in the class is paying attention. 672 00:35:40,958 --> 00:35:42,250 Come here a moment. 673 00:35:46,041 --> 00:35:48,333 I'm very pleased with you, Whittaker. 674 00:35:48,375 --> 00:35:52,250 Instead of giving you a star I'm going to make you into one. 675 00:35:53,291 --> 00:35:54,791 Beg your pardon, Miss. 676 00:35:59,666 --> 00:36:00,750 [grunts] 677 00:36:04,333 --> 00:36:06,666 [Alan] It's for rent on my part. 678 00:36:06,708 --> 00:36:08,291 I'll tell you something else. 679 00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:09,875 The future industry 680 00:36:09,916 --> 00:36:12,291 is the future of the university staff. 681 00:36:12,333 --> 00:36:14,166 Where was she standing? 682 00:36:14,208 --> 00:36:15,791 Outside of British Home Stores. 683 00:36:15,833 --> 00:36:18,666 For the simple raison d'etre that from now on, 684 00:36:18,708 --> 00:36:21,541 everyone in the world will go to university. 685 00:36:21,583 --> 00:36:23,333 How'd you know she was one of them? 686 00:36:23,375 --> 00:36:24,958 You could tell. 687 00:36:25,416 --> 00:36:28,958 Was she blond with a slit up the side of her skirt? 688 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,041 They all have slits up the side of their skirts. 689 00:36:31,083 --> 00:36:33,000 You see, now that we've won the war... 690 00:36:33,041 --> 00:36:35,208 I don't carry a placard saying "Hello, dearie. 691 00:36:35,250 --> 00:36:36,708 Short time '76." 692 00:36:36,750 --> 00:36:38,333 No one said they did. 693 00:36:38,375 --> 00:36:40,666 Now that we've won the war, 694 00:36:40,708 --> 00:36:43,208 all we have to do is win the peace. 695 00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:45,833 What is it? The aftermath. 696 00:36:45,875 --> 00:36:47,750 How could you tell? 697 00:36:47,791 --> 00:36:49,750 She had a chain around her ankle. 698 00:36:49,791 --> 00:36:52,083 -What? -Chain around her ankle. 699 00:36:53,916 --> 00:36:56,708 The clippie on the school bus wears a chain Around her ankle. 700 00:36:56,750 --> 00:36:58,000 Well, she's right. 701 00:36:58,541 --> 00:37:01,166 She's not. She's a bloody clippie. 702 00:37:01,208 --> 00:37:03,000 During the daytime, yes. 703 00:37:03,041 --> 00:37:05,583 She probably just does part time in the evenings. 704 00:37:05,625 --> 00:37:09,708 Some just do part time, the nymphomaniacs. 705 00:37:09,750 --> 00:37:12,708 Is that what they charge, 76? 706 00:37:13,250 --> 00:37:14,875 It was you that said 76. 707 00:37:14,916 --> 00:37:16,541 I know, but I'm not... 708 00:37:16,583 --> 00:37:18,583 Some do, some charge eight bob. 709 00:37:18,625 --> 00:37:20,041 The blonds. 710 00:37:20,083 --> 00:37:21,541 For the lot? 711 00:37:21,583 --> 00:37:25,083 The whole hog. Everything, completely bare. 712 00:37:25,125 --> 00:37:27,375 Don't kiss her. That's an unwritten rule. 713 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,333 -They won't kiss? -Unheard of. 714 00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,208 Why? 715 00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:38,041 Never do. Only kiss their ponces. 716 00:37:38,083 --> 00:37:39,666 Don't kiss ordinary fellas. 717 00:37:40,833 --> 00:37:44,041 Even when they're lying on top of them and that? 718 00:37:44,083 --> 00:37:47,208 It's their world, it's not true love or anything. 719 00:37:47,250 --> 00:37:49,291 That's my whole point. 720 00:37:50,541 --> 00:37:51,833 What point? 721 00:37:53,291 --> 00:37:56,125 -Uh... -What are you talking about? 722 00:37:56,958 --> 00:37:58,208 Uh... 723 00:37:58,708 --> 00:38:01,458 No. I mean, it's understandable. 724 00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:04,500 Bloody crackers. Who wants to kiss them, anyway? 725 00:38:04,541 --> 00:38:06,208 Better things to do than kiss them. 726 00:38:06,250 --> 00:38:07,458 Definitely. 727 00:38:08,041 --> 00:38:09,875 And the next object is 728 00:38:09,916 --> 00:38:12,916 the king of the zombies. 729 00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:16,708 Is it animal, vegetable or mineral? 730 00:38:16,750 --> 00:38:17,958 Or Geoffrey? 731 00:38:19,250 --> 00:38:20,458 [panting] 732 00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:22,500 [all] P'tang yang kipperbang. Uh! 733 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,333 [Alan] Anyway, grandmas like kissing. 734 00:38:26,375 --> 00:38:28,000 [Shaz] Kissing is like shaking hands. 735 00:38:28,041 --> 00:38:29,458 [Alan] No one said it wasn't. 736 00:38:30,375 --> 00:38:32,000 [telephone ringing] 737 00:38:35,083 --> 00:38:36,875 -Bye, Miss. -Ann! 738 00:38:37,625 --> 00:38:38,791 Hang on. 739 00:38:39,458 --> 00:38:42,416 I've decided to make you into a star as well. 740 00:38:42,458 --> 00:38:44,375 You will be the leading lady. 741 00:38:46,125 --> 00:38:47,500 Miss, thank you. 742 00:38:47,541 --> 00:38:49,916 -Are you pleased? -Yes, thank you, Miss. 743 00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:56,166 Duckworth! 744 00:38:56,750 --> 00:38:58,833 What the hell are you doing? 745 00:38:59,791 --> 00:39:01,333 Nothing, Miss. 746 00:39:01,375 --> 00:39:03,500 Out! All of you! 747 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:08,291 -Miss, I've done my homework. -All of you out! 748 00:39:08,333 --> 00:39:10,875 Filthy beasts of the field. 749 00:39:10,916 --> 00:39:12,291 Out! 750 00:39:12,333 --> 00:39:15,541 Not you, beast of the field. 751 00:39:31,416 --> 00:39:32,666 Come here. 752 00:39:43,250 --> 00:39:45,291 I'm not pleased with you, Duckworth. 753 00:39:45,958 --> 00:39:47,333 No, Miss. 754 00:39:49,708 --> 00:39:51,916 You're never hear when school starts. 755 00:39:53,208 --> 00:39:55,458 When you are here, you're in a trance. 756 00:39:55,916 --> 00:39:58,291 When you're not in a trance you're moaning and groaning. 757 00:39:58,958 --> 00:40:00,333 And when you're not moaning and groaning, 758 00:40:00,375 --> 00:40:02,583 you're behaving like a beast of the field. 759 00:40:02,625 --> 00:40:03,791 Yes, Miss. 760 00:40:06,416 --> 00:40:10,500 You're a weed and a mess and a lollop. 761 00:40:10,541 --> 00:40:11,791 You lollop. 762 00:40:13,458 --> 00:40:14,625 Yes, Miss. 763 00:40:15,958 --> 00:40:18,041 Is this what we fought a war for? 764 00:40:21,916 --> 00:40:22,958 No, Miss. 765 00:40:24,791 --> 00:40:26,875 It's time you pulled your socks up, young man. 766 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,500 I'm therefore selecting you to be in the school play. 767 00:40:35,541 --> 00:40:37,166 That might wake you up. 768 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,791 Your part is Antoine the philanderer, 769 00:40:40,833 --> 00:40:42,250 a fellow beast of the field. 770 00:40:42,291 --> 00:40:43,291 Pardon? 771 00:40:43,333 --> 00:40:47,250 Your mouth's open. Close it. 772 00:40:47,291 --> 00:40:49,041 Rehearsals every Monday, Wednesday, 773 00:40:49,083 --> 00:40:51,208 and Friday after school. 774 00:40:51,250 --> 00:40:52,708 Miss, I can't act. 775 00:40:52,750 --> 00:40:54,958 4 till 5 in the main hall. 776 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,416 Miss, I can't act. 777 00:40:56,458 --> 00:40:58,458 Acting is pretending, Duckworth. 778 00:40:59,291 --> 00:41:01,625 Sure you pretend to be a human being at home, don't you, 779 00:41:01,666 --> 00:41:03,166 instead of just a lullaby? 780 00:41:03,208 --> 00:41:06,625 Miss, I can't stand up in front of the whole school. 781 00:41:07,291 --> 00:41:10,833 Your fellow thespians are Whitaker and Ann Lawton. 782 00:41:14,583 --> 00:41:15,750 Annie Lawton? 783 00:41:17,625 --> 00:41:18,708 What? 784 00:41:19,708 --> 00:41:21,458 Ann Lawton in the play. 785 00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:23,791 Ann Lawton and Geoffrey Whitaker. 786 00:41:25,166 --> 00:41:26,958 Three times a week after school, 787 00:41:27,541 --> 00:41:29,250 just Ann Lawton and me. 788 00:41:29,291 --> 00:41:30,666 And Geoffrey. 789 00:41:30,708 --> 00:41:33,083 You're going in a trance again, Duckworth! Get out! 790 00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:38,041 I thought I told you to get out. 791 00:41:38,083 --> 00:41:39,625 Yes, but before that, you told me it was time 792 00:41:39,666 --> 00:41:41,083 -I pulled my socks up. -Out. 793 00:41:43,250 --> 00:41:45,000 [hopeful music playing] 794 00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:49,333 [commentator] So Duckworth's in with a chance. 795 00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:51,958 The gods are smiling, the sun's shining, 796 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,875 and now Quack Quack's innings can now really begin. 797 00:41:55,916 --> 00:41:58,458 The cheers of the crowd ringing in his ears, 798 00:41:58,500 --> 00:42:00,166 he makes his way to the wicket 799 00:42:00,208 --> 00:42:02,000 to try to win the match for England, 800 00:42:02,041 --> 00:42:05,458 to try to achieve the impossible. 801 00:42:06,250 --> 00:42:09,166 And all Lords is hushed as Duckworth takes guard 802 00:42:09,208 --> 00:42:12,166 and faces his first ball from Keith Miller. 803 00:42:13,041 --> 00:42:17,500 And Miller races in all fire and fury 804 00:42:17,541 --> 00:42:19,791 and bowls, and Duckworth 805 00:42:19,833 --> 00:42:21,625 hooks it heavens high, 806 00:42:21,666 --> 00:42:25,166 a mighty scything blow clean out of the ground. 807 00:42:25,875 --> 00:42:26,833 Berk. 808 00:42:26,875 --> 00:42:28,916 You stupid bugger! 809 00:42:28,958 --> 00:42:31,375 Best in the bloody canal! 810 00:42:31,416 --> 00:42:33,375 If it hits, you're out. 811 00:42:33,416 --> 00:42:34,791 Decent shot though, wasn't it? 812 00:42:34,833 --> 00:42:36,583 Not when it's six and out. 813 00:42:37,958 --> 00:42:39,875 We'll have to move that canal. 814 00:42:39,916 --> 00:42:41,250 Decent shot, though, wasn't it? 815 00:42:41,291 --> 00:42:43,083 Meat of the bat behind it and everything. 816 00:42:44,041 --> 00:42:47,500 That was his chinaman and/or googly as well. 817 00:42:47,541 --> 00:42:49,291 I detected it in flight. 818 00:42:49,333 --> 00:42:52,833 It was all footwork really. Back on my right foot and crack. 819 00:42:53,583 --> 00:42:55,916 -[Shaz] You've got to kiss her. -What? 820 00:42:55,958 --> 00:42:58,333 You've got to bloody kiss her! 821 00:42:59,083 --> 00:43:00,583 Who? 822 00:43:00,625 --> 00:43:03,541 "Antoine dismisses Roland with a confident smile. 823 00:43:04,333 --> 00:43:05,666 "Antoine: 824 00:43:05,708 --> 00:43:07,666 "'Never again will I tread that path. 825 00:43:08,375 --> 00:43:10,166 "'I've seen the light, Roland. 826 00:43:10,208 --> 00:43:12,416 "'The light of truth in what's happened 827 00:43:12,458 --> 00:43:15,000 "'and the light of love in your fiancee's eyes. 828 00:43:15,041 --> 00:43:17,625 "'Love for me.' 829 00:43:17,666 --> 00:43:20,250 "He strides towards Lady Daphne, 830 00:43:20,291 --> 00:43:23,708 "takes her in his arms and kisses her." 831 00:43:25,625 --> 00:43:28,000 Ann Lawton's playing Lady Daphne, isn't she? 832 00:43:28,041 --> 00:43:30,250 [Shaz] Well, you've to bloody kiss her. 833 00:43:30,291 --> 00:43:31,583 Have I? 834 00:43:32,875 --> 00:43:35,833 "Take her in his arms and kisses her. 835 00:43:35,875 --> 00:43:39,750 "'Antoine, with that kiss, you now are mine. 836 00:43:39,791 --> 00:43:42,833 "'And I no longer a philanderer.' Cut!" 837 00:43:43,291 --> 00:43:45,750 Ugh... smelly Lawton. 838 00:43:46,291 --> 00:43:47,333 They can't make me. 839 00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:49,375 It's in black and white. 840 00:43:50,291 --> 00:43:51,958 Just my sodding luck. 841 00:43:56,833 --> 00:43:58,666 -I'm not having it. -Come on. 842 00:43:59,458 --> 00:44:01,250 I'll get a hundred tonight. You watch. 843 00:44:01,291 --> 00:44:03,208 -How many am I now? -Seven. 844 00:44:03,250 --> 00:44:05,000 I'll get a bloody hundred. 845 00:44:06,083 --> 00:44:08,250 [commentator] Duckworth, brandishing his bat, 846 00:44:08,291 --> 00:44:09,458 means business. 847 00:44:09,500 --> 00:44:11,541 Miller, looking a little subdued, 848 00:44:11,583 --> 00:44:13,333 runs up, bowls, 849 00:44:14,125 --> 00:44:17,833 and Duckworth plays it through mid-off. 850 00:44:18,375 --> 00:44:20,208 "'I've seen the light, Jones. 851 00:44:20,250 --> 00:44:22,416 "'The light of truth in what's happened. 852 00:44:22,458 --> 00:44:25,208 "'And the light of love in your fiancé's eyes. 853 00:44:25,250 --> 00:44:26,958 "'Love for me.' 854 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,833 "Antoine strides towards Lady Daphne, 855 00:44:29,875 --> 00:44:33,083 "takes her in his arms and kisses her." 856 00:44:34,375 --> 00:44:36,833 "Antoine strides towards Lady Daphne, 857 00:44:37,166 --> 00:44:39,875 "takes her in his arms, and..." 858 00:44:41,958 --> 00:44:44,791 Oh, God. Oh, God. 859 00:44:45,291 --> 00:44:48,958 You don't often move in mysterious ways. 860 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,625 He takes her in his arms, and... 861 00:44:53,041 --> 00:44:54,750 [cheerful music playing] 862 00:45:10,458 --> 00:45:12,083 Is there... 863 00:45:12,125 --> 00:45:13,500 Stone me. 864 00:45:13,541 --> 00:45:15,000 The wanderer returns. 865 00:45:15,041 --> 00:45:17,458 I thought you'd gone into hibernation or something. 866 00:45:17,500 --> 00:45:19,250 Uh, no. Can I have a-- 867 00:45:19,291 --> 00:45:22,458 I thought it's either that or he's emigrated. 868 00:45:22,958 --> 00:45:24,500 It's not normal, I thought. 869 00:45:24,541 --> 00:45:26,250 All these weeks without... 870 00:45:26,291 --> 00:45:28,500 Cod and chips, haddock and chips, 871 00:45:28,541 --> 00:45:29,958 skate and chips, 872 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,083 salt and vinegar, All in the same bag, please. 873 00:45:32,125 --> 00:45:33,583 Sorry? 874 00:45:33,625 --> 00:45:36,250 All in one together. You can just lump them. 875 00:45:36,291 --> 00:45:37,375 Sorry? 876 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,083 Triple amalgamatory edibles. 877 00:45:42,125 --> 00:45:43,875 No need to worry, had I? 878 00:45:44,583 --> 00:45:47,375 You're as normal as ever. 879 00:45:47,416 --> 00:45:49,458 Cod and chips, haddock and chips, 880 00:45:49,500 --> 00:45:50,875 skate and chips. 881 00:45:51,166 --> 00:45:53,125 All in one bagginess. 882 00:45:58,375 --> 00:46:00,500 [Ann] My fiancé tells me you are a stranger 883 00:46:00,541 --> 00:46:02,541 in St Albans, Mr. Coveney. 884 00:46:02,583 --> 00:46:05,125 [Alan] I'd be grateful if you call me Antoine, my dear. 885 00:46:05,166 --> 00:46:07,750 [Miss Land] Duckworth, you're mumbling. 886 00:46:08,541 --> 00:46:10,000 [Alan shouting] I'd be grateful 887 00:46:10,041 --> 00:46:12,250 if you'd call me Antoine, my dear! 888 00:46:12,291 --> 00:46:14,541 She's not in Australia, Duckworth. 889 00:46:15,750 --> 00:46:17,958 Try halfway. Madagascar. 890 00:46:18,375 --> 00:46:20,958 I'd be grateful if you'd call me Antoine, 891 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,041 my dear. 892 00:46:22,583 --> 00:46:24,083 Calling you Antoine might be deemed 893 00:46:24,125 --> 00:46:25,708 a little familiar, Mr. Coveney. 894 00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:28,458 You calling me, my dear, is excessively so. 895 00:46:28,500 --> 00:46:30,625 She storms from the drawing room. 896 00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:35,625 Storms and not shuffles, 897 00:46:35,666 --> 00:46:37,208 and people don't storm anywhere 898 00:46:37,250 --> 00:46:38,583 while sucking their finger. 899 00:46:40,625 --> 00:46:42,500 I was just trying to push the skin down, Miss, 900 00:46:42,541 --> 00:46:43,750 to make the cuticle bigger. 901 00:46:43,791 --> 00:46:46,250 Are big cuticles in the play? 902 00:46:46,291 --> 00:46:48,916 No. In real life, Miss. 903 00:46:49,625 --> 00:46:51,750 Ann, just storm from the drawing room 904 00:46:51,791 --> 00:46:53,208 as the author requires. 905 00:46:57,625 --> 00:47:00,208 Thank you. Continue. 906 00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:01,583 [bucket clattering] 907 00:47:05,250 --> 00:47:06,291 Continue. 908 00:47:07,416 --> 00:47:08,750 I fear your intended 909 00:47:08,791 --> 00:47:11,000 is somewhat displeased with me, Rollins. 910 00:47:11,041 --> 00:47:12,333 Oh, Christ. 911 00:47:12,375 --> 00:47:14,833 Number one, say the line to Geoffrey, 912 00:47:14,875 --> 00:47:16,708 not your armpit. 913 00:47:16,750 --> 00:47:19,541 And number two, the fact that she's displeased with you 914 00:47:19,583 --> 00:47:20,833 is immaterial to you. 915 00:47:20,875 --> 00:47:23,458 You're a philanderer, a grown man, 916 00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:25,125 a man of the world. 917 00:47:25,166 --> 00:47:27,166 You're amused that she's upset. 918 00:47:27,666 --> 00:47:29,166 Doesn't make sense, Miss. 919 00:47:29,208 --> 00:47:31,041 Perfect sense, Duckworth, 920 00:47:31,083 --> 00:47:33,416 is precisely what grown men are like. 921 00:47:33,458 --> 00:47:35,791 It's extremely perceptive writing. 922 00:47:35,833 --> 00:47:37,833 Proceed. 923 00:47:37,875 --> 00:47:39,208 I fear your intended 924 00:47:39,250 --> 00:47:41,791 is somewhat displeased with me, Rollins. 925 00:47:45,500 --> 00:47:47,000 I suggest you leave St Albans 926 00:47:47,041 --> 00:47:48,583 on the morning charabanc, Coveney. 927 00:47:49,250 --> 00:47:53,333 I know of your notorious, nay, nefarious exploits in London. 928 00:47:53,375 --> 00:47:55,500 Of the safes you robbed of diamonds, 929 00:47:55,541 --> 00:47:57,458 of the ladies you've robbed of repute, 930 00:47:57,500 --> 00:47:59,416 of the hearts you've robbed of happiness. 931 00:47:59,458 --> 00:48:00,750 [laughs scornfully] 932 00:48:02,666 --> 00:48:06,416 Good. Now, as well as laughing scornfully, Duckworth, 933 00:48:06,458 --> 00:48:07,791 if you... [gasps] 934 00:48:16,041 --> 00:48:17,166 [chuckles] 935 00:48:18,541 --> 00:48:20,041 Look, I'm sorry about this. 936 00:48:20,083 --> 00:48:23,625 I'm suddenly not feeling too well all of a sudden, 937 00:48:23,666 --> 00:48:25,083 I'm sorry to say. 938 00:48:26,833 --> 00:48:30,541 So we'll stop the rehearsal there and carry on on Wednesday. 939 00:48:31,791 --> 00:48:33,666 So if you'll all excuse me. 940 00:48:39,541 --> 00:48:41,125 [jaunty music playing] 941 00:49:06,958 --> 00:49:10,250 Well, in my considered opinion, it will be 159 years 942 00:49:10,291 --> 00:49:12,250 before we're ready to act in front of the whole school. 943 00:49:12,291 --> 00:49:15,458 Today was a short rehearsal, that's all. We'll be okay. 944 00:49:15,500 --> 00:49:17,583 159 years minimum. 945 00:49:17,625 --> 00:49:19,375 You do drip, don't you? 946 00:49:19,916 --> 00:49:21,875 -No. -Not much. 947 00:49:21,916 --> 00:49:23,583 I think we're doing hot diggity dog. 948 00:49:23,625 --> 00:49:25,666 -I do. -I do. 949 00:49:26,333 --> 00:49:30,166 By Wednesday, I'm going to know the first scene by heart. 950 00:49:30,208 --> 00:49:31,791 -I am. -Me too. 951 00:49:38,583 --> 00:49:39,875 See you on the morrow then. 952 00:49:39,916 --> 00:49:41,000 Sir. 953 00:49:43,041 --> 00:49:45,833 Unless you want to go train spotting or anything tonight. 954 00:49:45,875 --> 00:49:47,708 Sorry, I'm learning my part. 955 00:49:48,458 --> 00:49:49,500 Oh, yes. 956 00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:53,541 Don't you go that way? 957 00:49:53,583 --> 00:49:56,583 Errand for my dad. ... 958 00:49:56,625 --> 00:49:58,833 -Where? -Palmerston Avenue way. 959 00:49:58,875 --> 00:50:00,125 I live down Palmerston. 960 00:50:00,166 --> 00:50:01,291 Uh-huh. 961 00:50:01,333 --> 00:50:03,541 See you then. 962 00:50:03,583 --> 00:50:05,958 P'tang, Yang, Kipperbang. Uh! 963 00:50:06,750 --> 00:50:09,000 I don't do P'tang yang kipperbang. 964 00:50:09,875 --> 00:50:11,458 Uh! Sorry. 965 00:50:14,208 --> 00:50:16,291 -Mañana. -Mañana. 966 00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:18,208 [both] Mañana is not soon enough for me. 967 00:50:29,333 --> 00:50:32,958 I loathe and detest all that P'tang verbosity drivel. 968 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,416 -Pardon? -You and your crackpot pals. 969 00:50:35,458 --> 00:50:38,125 Long, stupid words that don't mean anything. 970 00:50:38,166 --> 00:50:42,333 Crepuscular dimensions. Incandescent geography. 971 00:50:42,375 --> 00:50:44,625 It's only in fun. It's a joke. 972 00:50:44,666 --> 00:50:46,458 Jocularity undimini. 973 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,791 I wasn't really dripping. 974 00:50:50,833 --> 00:50:52,875 All I meant was, we're only on page four. 975 00:50:52,916 --> 00:50:54,416 It was our first rehearsal. 976 00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:58,125 Yes, yes, granted, it was definitely. 977 00:50:58,750 --> 00:51:01,875 But there's 51 pages altogether before we get to the end. 978 00:51:01,916 --> 00:51:02,916 So what? 979 00:51:03,708 --> 00:51:06,625 Just that I'll be happier when we're on page 51. 980 00:51:06,666 --> 00:51:08,916 You just want it over with? 981 00:51:08,958 --> 00:51:12,333 No. Just to be on the last page, that's all. 982 00:51:12,375 --> 00:51:14,125 And I know why. 983 00:51:15,291 --> 00:51:17,416 -You do? -Of course I do. 984 00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:21,000 It's perfectly obvious. Because you're a drip. 985 00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:28,791 [commentator] Duckworth ends in trouble yet again. 986 00:51:28,833 --> 00:51:30,458 And as the teams go in for tea, 987 00:51:30,500 --> 00:51:32,916 there's precious little going right for him. 988 00:51:32,958 --> 00:51:35,791 Every time he's about to get a grip on the game, 989 00:51:35,833 --> 00:51:38,125 Lindwall seems to have the last word. 990 00:51:38,166 --> 00:51:40,708 Disconsolate now, discouraged, 991 00:51:40,750 --> 00:51:44,000 deeply depressed at the immensity of his task, 992 00:51:44,041 --> 00:51:46,291 he trudges back to the pavilion. 993 00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:49,708 But surely he must take heart that he's still not out, 994 00:51:49,750 --> 00:51:51,958 that he still has the chance to grit his teeth 995 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:53,333 and try again. 996 00:51:53,375 --> 00:51:54,666 Are you sure? 997 00:51:54,708 --> 00:51:56,833 -Don't I look it? -Oh, Miss Land. 998 00:51:56,875 --> 00:51:58,250 [laughing] 999 00:51:58,291 --> 00:52:00,541 God, I've forgotten what it was like to laugh. 1000 00:52:00,583 --> 00:52:03,125 Oh, I feel so... I feel... 1001 00:52:03,166 --> 00:52:04,833 I don't know what to do with myself. 1002 00:52:04,875 --> 00:52:07,333 -I feel so... -Me too, me too. 1003 00:52:07,375 --> 00:52:09,916 Oh, the relief, the sheer... 1004 00:52:09,958 --> 00:52:11,875 Oh, God. Thank you. 1005 00:52:12,583 --> 00:52:14,166 It's over. It's all over. 1006 00:52:14,208 --> 00:52:15,458 Now we can stop seeing each other. 1007 00:52:15,500 --> 00:52:17,375 Never see each other again! 1008 00:52:17,916 --> 00:52:20,458 Oh, Tommy, it's all over, isn't it? 1009 00:52:20,500 --> 00:52:22,833 I don't know whether to sing or dance or... 1010 00:52:43,291 --> 00:52:45,250 [Miss Land] Are you free on Sunday night? 1011 00:52:45,291 --> 00:52:46,791 [Tommy] I'll be at Evensong. 1012 00:52:46,833 --> 00:52:48,625 [Miss Land] After Evensong. 1013 00:52:48,666 --> 00:52:50,458 [Tommy] Oh, Miss Land. 1014 00:52:51,291 --> 00:52:52,708 Very good. 1015 00:52:52,750 --> 00:52:57,083 Whereupon you dismiss him with a confident smile. 1016 00:52:58,208 --> 00:52:59,583 A confident one, Duckworth. 1017 00:52:59,625 --> 00:53:00,750 Do you know how to be confident? 1018 00:53:00,791 --> 00:53:02,333 I think the author would like it. 1019 00:53:03,875 --> 00:53:05,208 Is that it? I see. 1020 00:53:05,250 --> 00:53:06,958 Well, the author will have to be disappointed. 1021 00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,791 Consider yourself dismissed, Whitaker, 1022 00:53:08,833 --> 00:53:10,125 with a confident smile. 1023 00:53:10,166 --> 00:53:11,958 Continue, Duckworth. 1024 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,333 Never again will I tread that path. 1025 00:53:14,375 --> 00:53:16,125 I've seen the light, Rollins. 1026 00:53:16,166 --> 00:53:17,916 The light of truth in what's happened. 1027 00:53:17,958 --> 00:53:20,583 -And the light-- -And turn to Lady Daphne. 1028 00:53:20,625 --> 00:53:24,833 Who by now should be upstage. 1029 00:53:24,875 --> 00:53:27,791 Sorry. No, downstage. Continue. 1030 00:53:27,833 --> 00:53:29,083 And the light of love. 1031 00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:32,000 My fiancé's eyes, love for me. 1032 00:53:32,041 --> 00:53:33,833 [Miss Land] And walk towards her. 1033 00:53:40,875 --> 00:53:43,333 Good. At which point you take her in your arms, 1034 00:53:43,375 --> 00:53:44,958 kiss her, do the line about 1035 00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,416 now she's yours, and you're no longer a philanderer. 1036 00:53:47,458 --> 00:53:49,916 Good. Rehearsals again on Friday at 4:00. 1037 00:53:51,500 --> 00:53:53,083 Um... 1038 00:53:53,125 --> 00:53:54,375 Yes, Duckworth? 1039 00:53:54,416 --> 00:53:55,916 Aren't we going to actually... 1040 00:53:55,958 --> 00:53:58,708 To actually what, Duckworth? It's 5:00. 1041 00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,166 No, it's all right then. It doesn't matter. 1042 00:54:04,750 --> 00:54:06,958 What the devil do you mean, you blaggard? 1043 00:54:07,750 --> 00:54:10,000 Precisely what you fear I mean, sir. 1044 00:54:10,041 --> 00:54:11,458 I've been searching the earth 1045 00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:13,291 for its most precious diamond 1046 00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:14,750 and found it here. 1047 00:54:15,666 --> 00:54:19,875 Not in Lady Daphne's necklace, but in her heart. 1048 00:54:19,916 --> 00:54:22,291 "He dismisses him with a confident smile." 1049 00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:24,916 I've seen the light drawings. 1050 00:54:24,958 --> 00:54:26,291 No, you missed a sentence. 1051 00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:28,416 I will never tread that path again. 1052 00:54:29,666 --> 00:54:31,708 I will never tread that path again. 1053 00:54:31,750 --> 00:54:33,416 I've seen the light, Rollins. 1054 00:54:33,458 --> 00:54:36,208 -The light of love... -The light of truth. 1055 00:54:36,250 --> 00:54:38,291 The light of truth in what's happened. 1056 00:54:38,333 --> 00:54:41,000 And the light of love in your fiancé's eyes. 1057 00:54:41,041 --> 00:54:42,583 Love for me. 1058 00:54:42,625 --> 00:54:44,375 Then you stride over to her, 1059 00:54:44,416 --> 00:54:46,583 take her in your arms and... 1060 00:54:46,625 --> 00:54:48,583 [retching] 1061 00:54:48,625 --> 00:54:50,875 Puke vomit. 1062 00:54:50,916 --> 00:54:52,958 Spewocity up throw. 1063 00:54:55,791 --> 00:54:57,916 That's stupid, that! 1064 00:54:57,958 --> 00:55:00,541 Long drivel words don't mean anything. 1065 00:55:00,583 --> 00:55:01,916 It's crackpot talk. 1066 00:55:06,916 --> 00:55:09,416 He's getting more like my Auntie Phyllis every day. 1067 00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:12,291 It's the strain of learning his lines. 1068 00:55:12,916 --> 00:55:15,375 Either that or he's been overdoing it. 1069 00:55:17,375 --> 00:55:18,791 Overdoing it? It can't make you go 1070 00:55:18,833 --> 00:55:20,750 like your Auntie Phyllis, can it? 1071 00:55:23,833 --> 00:55:26,375 And the light of love in your fiancé's eyes. 1072 00:55:27,208 --> 00:55:28,458 Love for me. 1073 00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:43,000 What on earth are you doing? 1074 00:55:44,541 --> 00:55:46,500 -Drying my lips, Miss. -Well, don't. 1075 00:55:46,541 --> 00:55:48,625 Something faintly not very nice about it. 1076 00:55:48,666 --> 00:55:51,000 Just kiss her with your ordinary lips. 1077 00:55:51,041 --> 00:55:53,750 But when they're dry it makes them all bare, Miss. 1078 00:55:54,583 --> 00:55:56,666 Just kiss her. 1079 00:55:56,708 --> 00:55:57,791 Yes, Miss. 1080 00:56:00,500 --> 00:56:02,708 -Please, Miss? -Yes, Whitaker? 1081 00:56:02,750 --> 00:56:04,458 You said I could go early today on account of 1082 00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:05,625 three fillings at the dentist. 1083 00:56:05,666 --> 00:56:08,500 Oh, yes. Quite right, so I did. 1084 00:56:08,541 --> 00:56:11,083 Off you pop, everyone. Home time. 1085 00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:15,750 But Miss... 1086 00:56:15,791 --> 00:56:18,375 Complaining again, Duckworth. 1087 00:56:18,416 --> 00:56:19,791 We're still here, miss. 1088 00:56:19,833 --> 00:56:21,708 Miss, we've never done this last bit, miss. 1089 00:56:21,750 --> 00:56:23,916 We'll be doing it on Monday, Duckworth. 1090 00:56:23,958 --> 00:56:25,500 For our friends. 1091 00:56:25,541 --> 00:56:27,250 That's the day itself, Miss. 1092 00:56:27,291 --> 00:56:28,458 The real thing. 1093 00:56:28,875 --> 00:56:30,375 That's right, Duckworth. 1094 00:56:31,083 --> 00:56:34,583 [commentator] Now, this really is becoming quite uncanny. 1095 00:56:34,625 --> 00:56:36,666 Once more, Duckworth is left frustrated 1096 00:56:36,708 --> 00:56:38,166 and forlorn at the wicket. 1097 00:56:38,625 --> 00:56:41,416 Just as he was shaping up for a match-winning six, 1098 00:56:41,458 --> 00:56:44,083 the umpires have stopped play for bad light. 1099 00:56:44,125 --> 00:56:47,125 He's obviously prepared to play on till midnight, 1100 00:56:47,166 --> 00:56:49,250 but the Aussies are trooping off the pitch. 1101 00:56:49,291 --> 00:56:51,250 And so now is Duckworth. 1102 00:56:51,291 --> 00:56:53,750 Still determined, though a little desperately, 1103 00:56:53,791 --> 00:56:56,250 one suspects, to stay in the game. 1104 00:56:58,500 --> 00:56:59,625 See you then. 1105 00:57:00,083 --> 00:57:01,875 Hope all goes hot diggity at the dentist. 1106 00:57:01,916 --> 00:57:03,041 Set. 1107 00:57:04,416 --> 00:57:06,125 -Mañana. -Mañana. 1108 00:57:06,916 --> 00:57:09,041 [both] Mañana's not soon enough for me. 1109 00:57:14,666 --> 00:57:16,708 You're going on are known for your dad again, are you? 1110 00:57:16,750 --> 00:57:18,208 Definitely. 1111 00:57:18,250 --> 00:57:20,500 You do a lot of errands for your dad, don't you? 1112 00:57:20,541 --> 00:57:21,916 Down at Palmerston. 1113 00:57:21,958 --> 00:57:23,125 A fair amount. 1114 00:57:27,583 --> 00:57:30,333 See you outside the Odeon, Saturday. 1115 00:57:34,666 --> 00:57:36,166 [cheerful music playing] 1116 00:57:37,666 --> 00:57:39,500 [Alan] Well, in my considered opinion... 1117 00:57:42,791 --> 00:57:44,708 In my considered opinion, 1118 00:57:44,750 --> 00:57:46,791 Antoine probably wanted to kiss Lady Daphne 1119 00:57:46,833 --> 00:57:48,166 right at the start. 1120 00:57:48,208 --> 00:57:49,916 No, he didn't. At the start, 1121 00:57:49,958 --> 00:57:51,833 all he wants to do is pinch her jewelry. 1122 00:57:52,916 --> 00:57:55,333 Yes. Yes, he does. 1123 00:57:55,375 --> 00:57:57,208 But when he discovers it's Rollins 1124 00:57:57,250 --> 00:57:58,458 who's the real criminal, 1125 00:57:58,500 --> 00:58:00,541 and to save her from his vile clutches, 1126 00:58:00,583 --> 00:58:02,583 I think what he does is dream of them. 1127 00:58:02,625 --> 00:58:06,166 Quack Quack, Antoine Coveney is a real man. 1128 00:58:06,208 --> 00:58:08,041 Lady Daphne's but a mere woman. 1129 00:58:08,458 --> 00:58:11,166 He does whatever he wants to do. Just does it. 1130 00:58:11,208 --> 00:58:13,208 -No messing. -Definitely. 1131 00:58:13,250 --> 00:58:15,750 Real men don't mess about dreaming. 1132 00:58:31,750 --> 00:58:33,208 [Alan] Good God. 1133 00:58:37,875 --> 00:58:40,416 And the light of love in your fiancé's eyes. 1134 00:58:42,333 --> 00:58:43,833 Love for me. 1135 00:58:51,875 --> 00:58:53,125 [Alan's mother] Alan! 1136 00:58:53,166 --> 00:58:56,125 What's your dinner doing in the dog's bowl? 1137 00:58:56,166 --> 00:58:59,208 Are you starting your Mahatma Gandhi again? 1138 00:59:01,250 --> 00:59:04,541 [commentator] So then, with England so near, yet so far, 1139 00:59:04,583 --> 00:59:07,041 play is interrupted yet again. 1140 00:59:07,083 --> 00:59:10,166 The news paddled over the puddles from the pavilion 1141 00:59:10,208 --> 00:59:13,291 is that the umpires will inspect the wicket at 1:30 1142 00:59:13,333 --> 00:59:15,541 if there's no more rain before lunch, 1143 00:59:15,583 --> 00:59:18,250 in which case, play will resume at 2:00. 1144 00:59:18,291 --> 00:59:21,458 Unless, of course, there's rain between 1:30 and 2:00. 1145 00:59:21,500 --> 00:59:24,000 In which case they'll inspect the wicket at 3:00. 1146 00:59:24,875 --> 00:59:28,458 So once again, and quite rightly too, 1147 00:59:28,500 --> 00:59:30,791 the answer lies in the heavens. 1148 00:59:32,125 --> 00:59:34,500 [grand orchestral music playing] 1149 01:00:09,625 --> 01:00:11,333 [indistinct chatting] 1150 01:00:25,208 --> 01:00:26,791 Duckworth. 1151 01:00:48,916 --> 01:00:50,250 [music stops] 1152 01:01:11,750 --> 01:01:12,750 Now go. 1153 01:01:13,208 --> 01:01:14,666 [children laughing] 1154 01:01:16,083 --> 01:01:17,333 [shushing] 1155 01:01:18,666 --> 01:01:20,083 Good afternoon, Daphne. 1156 01:01:20,916 --> 01:01:24,000 Charles, dearest, I didn't expect you till tea time. 1157 01:01:24,041 --> 01:01:27,250 I know, my dear, but this is more than a visit 1158 01:01:27,291 --> 01:01:28,791 from a doting fiancée. 1159 01:01:29,625 --> 01:01:32,625 As you know, I'm the chief magistrate of St Albans. 1160 01:01:32,666 --> 01:01:34,541 [Ann] A pillar of our society, Charles. 1161 01:01:34,583 --> 01:01:36,208 The whole of Hertfordshire respects you. 1162 01:01:36,250 --> 01:01:38,916 I, for my part, respect you. And more. 1163 01:01:38,958 --> 01:01:40,041 Thank you, dearest. 1164 01:01:40,083 --> 01:01:41,250 [giggling] 1165 01:01:41,291 --> 01:01:43,291 In my official capacity, 1166 01:01:43,333 --> 01:01:45,625 police inform me that an unscrupulous criminal 1167 01:01:45,666 --> 01:01:47,583 from London has been seen motoring 1168 01:01:47,625 --> 01:01:49,666 in his Alvis Coupe up the A1. 1169 01:01:49,708 --> 01:01:51,541 A gentlemen diamond thief, 1170 01:01:51,583 --> 01:01:53,416 notorious for winning the hearts of ladies 1171 01:01:53,458 --> 01:01:54,625 only to steal their jewels. 1172 01:01:54,666 --> 01:01:55,708 [doorbell chimes] 1173 01:01:59,708 --> 01:02:01,916 Goodness me, Charles. You've made me jumpy. 1174 01:02:01,958 --> 01:02:03,458 I wonder who that can be. 1175 01:02:21,083 --> 01:02:23,916 It's a chap whose car's broken down outside the manor. 1176 01:02:23,958 --> 01:02:25,916 Seems a decent sort of cove. 1177 01:02:25,958 --> 01:02:28,375 I said he could join us till I phoned the garage for him. 1178 01:02:30,250 --> 01:02:32,791 Ah, here he is now. 1179 01:02:32,833 --> 01:02:34,833 [children laughing] 1180 01:02:35,666 --> 01:02:38,083 [both] P'tang yang kipperbang. Uh! 1181 01:02:39,875 --> 01:02:42,791 [Geoffrey] To my fiancé, the honorable lady Daphne. 1182 01:02:43,791 --> 01:02:45,916 Charmed to make your acquaintance, Lady Daphne. 1183 01:02:45,958 --> 01:02:47,958 What a delightful home you have. 1184 01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:49,375 [Ann] Thank you. 1185 01:02:49,416 --> 01:02:51,333 Have you many friends in these parts? 1186 01:02:51,375 --> 01:02:54,333 The Hertfordshire Caldecotts were old friends of my family 1187 01:02:54,375 --> 01:02:56,333 until they returned to Pretoria. 1188 01:02:56,375 --> 01:02:59,291 Colonel Caldecott and I shot grouse together in Scotland. 1189 01:03:00,250 --> 01:03:03,125 Never seem to have heard of a Colonel Caldecott. 1190 01:03:03,166 --> 01:03:04,500 [Alan] Really? 1191 01:03:04,541 --> 01:03:06,958 He tells me he knows you extremely well. 1192 01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:08,666 I'm certain he would be delighted to meet 1193 01:03:08,708 --> 01:03:10,000 your charming fiancée. 1194 01:03:10,041 --> 01:03:12,833 Thank you, Mr. Coveney. You are most gallant. 1195 01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:14,333 Do you know Hertfordshire well? 1196 01:03:19,916 --> 01:03:21,125 What can I do for you, Sergeant? 1197 01:03:21,166 --> 01:03:22,791 I'm making some inquiries, sir. 1198 01:03:28,833 --> 01:03:30,291 Well, that's him over there. 1199 01:03:31,291 --> 01:03:33,250 Thank you. Thank you very much, sir. 1200 01:03:33,291 --> 01:03:35,000 [somber music playing] 1201 01:03:49,416 --> 01:03:50,958 Goodness me, 1202 01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,333 so pleasant and urbane has been our conversation 1203 01:03:53,375 --> 01:03:55,708 that I quite forgot to telephone the garage for you. 1204 01:03:56,625 --> 01:03:59,333 Tell me, what make of car have you, Mr. Coveney? 1205 01:04:00,083 --> 01:04:01,333 It's an Alvis. 1206 01:04:02,958 --> 01:04:05,041 An Alvis coupe. 1207 01:04:05,083 --> 01:04:06,625 [children exclaiming] 1208 01:04:24,125 --> 01:04:26,958 Never again will I tread that path. 1209 01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:28,500 I've seen the light drawings. 1210 01:04:29,041 --> 01:04:31,083 The light of truth in what's happened. 1211 01:04:31,125 --> 01:04:33,583 And the light of love in your fiancé's eyes. 1212 01:04:34,958 --> 01:04:36,416 Love for me. 1213 01:04:37,500 --> 01:04:40,625 [commentator] Now let's try and be calm about this. 1214 01:04:40,666 --> 01:04:43,333 England are just one run short 1215 01:04:43,375 --> 01:04:47,000 of the greatest victory of all time. 1216 01:04:47,041 --> 01:04:50,375 Young Duckworth, 364 not out 1217 01:04:50,416 --> 01:04:53,333 has equaled Len Hutton's world record 1218 01:04:53,375 --> 01:04:58,083 and now he's facing the very last ball of the match 1219 01:04:58,125 --> 01:05:00,708 and Lindwall bowls it. 1220 01:05:00,750 --> 01:05:02,208 [boy whistling] 1221 01:05:02,250 --> 01:05:06,083 And Duckworth... And Duckworth... 1222 01:05:06,125 --> 01:05:07,625 And Duckworth... 1223 01:05:12,250 --> 01:05:13,916 Kiss her. 1224 01:05:13,958 --> 01:05:15,833 [music swells] 1225 01:05:33,958 --> 01:05:35,708 Kiss her. Come on. 1226 01:05:48,750 --> 01:05:52,166 For with that kiss, you are now mine. 1227 01:05:52,208 --> 01:05:54,291 And I no longer a philanderer. 1228 01:05:57,458 --> 01:05:58,708 Close them. 1229 01:06:08,958 --> 01:06:11,083 Never in the entire history 1230 01:06:11,125 --> 01:06:12,791 -of school drama, -[audience clapping] 1231 01:06:12,833 --> 01:06:17,125 all the years have been ruined, completely ruined. 1232 01:06:17,166 --> 01:06:19,125 Weeks of rehearsal, the whole play. 1233 01:06:19,166 --> 01:06:20,625 Whatever possessed you! 1234 01:06:20,666 --> 01:06:22,208 [all clapping] 1235 01:06:38,958 --> 01:06:42,125 I mean, imagine Victor Mature seeing the light of love 1236 01:06:42,166 --> 01:06:44,375 in Hedy Lamarr's eyes and just standing there 1237 01:06:44,416 --> 01:06:46,500 and just standing there like a twerp, 1238 01:06:46,541 --> 01:06:48,708 -while choirs of angels-- -Stop it, Geoffrey. 1239 01:06:48,750 --> 01:06:50,041 If you never wanted to kiss her, 1240 01:06:50,083 --> 01:06:52,333 you should have said so right at the start. 1241 01:06:52,375 --> 01:06:55,208 And we'd have got someone who would have quite liked to. 1242 01:06:55,250 --> 01:06:57,666 You're a weed and a mess of a lolloper. 1243 01:06:57,708 --> 01:06:58,916 Duck with you, lollop. 1244 01:06:58,958 --> 01:07:00,416 Excuse me, Miss Land. 1245 01:07:00,458 --> 01:07:02,458 I'm sorry about the end, headmaster. Duckworth here... 1246 01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,416 If I could just borrow you for a moment. 1247 01:07:10,291 --> 01:07:11,416 Oh. 1248 01:07:19,166 --> 01:07:22,041 Miss Land, something's happened. 1249 01:07:23,083 --> 01:07:25,708 It appears that young Tommy, the groundsman, 1250 01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:28,250 it appears he was a deserter in the war. 1251 01:07:28,291 --> 01:07:30,583 [policeman] Just three weeks after he was called up, ma'am. 1252 01:07:30,625 --> 01:07:33,000 And now he's just been... 1253 01:07:33,041 --> 01:07:34,333 Well, arrested, really. 1254 01:07:34,375 --> 01:07:36,125 To be handed over to a military police escort 1255 01:07:36,166 --> 01:07:37,916 and taken for court martial. 1256 01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:40,666 He requested if I'd be kind enough, ma'am, 1257 01:07:40,708 --> 01:07:42,125 to pass a message on to you. 1258 01:07:43,333 --> 01:07:44,875 Why me? 1259 01:07:44,916 --> 01:07:46,208 Well, I've only ever said good morning. 1260 01:07:46,250 --> 01:07:48,333 Well, it's not for you in particular, ma'am. 1261 01:07:48,375 --> 01:07:49,375 Sorry. 1262 01:07:50,166 --> 01:07:53,083 He said there's a boy in your class by the name of Duckworth, 1263 01:07:53,875 --> 01:07:55,125 and he said, 1264 01:07:56,041 --> 01:07:57,583 "Whatever he hears, 1265 01:07:57,625 --> 01:08:00,208 "ask him not to think too bad of me, 1266 01:08:00,250 --> 01:08:03,041 "owing to me not being the hero he thought I was." 1267 01:08:04,250 --> 01:08:06,208 That's all, ma'am. 1268 01:08:06,250 --> 01:08:08,958 It's the dichotomy between appearance and reality again, 1269 01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,541 I suppose, Miss Land, 1270 01:08:11,375 --> 01:08:14,291 with the whole Shakespearian canon. 1271 01:08:14,333 --> 01:08:15,958 Miss Land is our English expert. 1272 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,208 Oh, yes. 1273 01:08:18,583 --> 01:08:19,791 Well... 1274 01:08:21,291 --> 01:08:22,833 I'll escort you to your car, Sergeant. 1275 01:08:22,875 --> 01:08:25,208 Thank you, sir. And thank you, ma'am. 1276 01:08:25,250 --> 01:08:27,500 -Thank you. -Not at all. 1277 01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:30,375 Incidentally, Sergeant, 1278 01:08:31,458 --> 01:08:34,041 I'm a miss, not a ma'am. 1279 01:08:34,083 --> 01:08:35,375 For your information. 1280 01:08:39,958 --> 01:08:41,625 Right, Miss. 1281 01:08:49,916 --> 01:08:51,000 Duckworth. 1282 01:08:55,291 --> 01:08:57,041 Why, though, Quack Quack? 1283 01:08:57,083 --> 01:08:59,375 Why didn't you do the kiss? 1284 01:08:59,416 --> 01:09:01,750 You haven't said why. 1285 01:09:01,791 --> 01:09:03,375 Did you just forget? 1286 01:09:03,416 --> 01:09:06,291 He only forgot three whole lines on page 20 1287 01:09:06,333 --> 01:09:07,708 about may he look at your bracelet, 1288 01:09:07,750 --> 01:09:09,750 owing to him being a jewelry expert, 1289 01:09:09,791 --> 01:09:11,083 till I prompted him. 1290 01:09:20,125 --> 01:09:22,583 I'll say mañana then. 1291 01:09:22,625 --> 01:09:25,125 I mean, there must be a reason. 1292 01:09:25,166 --> 01:09:26,916 Everything has a reason. 1293 01:09:26,958 --> 01:09:28,750 I said, I'll say mañana then. 1294 01:09:32,416 --> 01:09:34,166 You can walk me home if you like. 1295 01:09:34,208 --> 01:09:35,500 Mañana. 1296 01:09:40,083 --> 01:09:41,250 All right. 1297 01:09:48,958 --> 01:09:50,958 Mañana is not soon enough for me. 1298 01:09:53,458 --> 01:09:55,625 What do you think was the reason? 1299 01:09:55,666 --> 01:09:56,791 I don't know. 1300 01:09:56,833 --> 01:09:58,666 You don't know much then, do you? 1301 01:09:58,708 --> 01:10:01,875 No. I don't. I know nothing. 1302 01:10:02,958 --> 01:10:05,583 I used to think I knew everything about everything. 1303 01:10:05,625 --> 01:10:08,583 The world and that, but I don't. 1304 01:10:08,625 --> 01:10:10,500 Maybe I got it wrong. 1305 01:10:10,541 --> 01:10:11,791 Got what wrong? 1306 01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:13,458 Everything. 1307 01:10:13,500 --> 01:10:15,875 Tommy, the world. 1308 01:10:15,916 --> 01:10:17,916 Maybe it's all lies. 1309 01:10:17,958 --> 01:10:19,375 What is? 1310 01:10:19,416 --> 01:10:22,625 Everything I thought about everything. 1311 01:10:27,583 --> 01:10:29,166 You're shivering. 1312 01:10:29,208 --> 01:10:30,291 Yes. 1313 01:10:30,958 --> 01:10:33,041 Maybe you're seeking for something. 1314 01:10:33,083 --> 01:10:34,291 Maybe. 1315 01:10:38,958 --> 01:10:42,583 A few weeks ago, I tread on a big fat spider 1316 01:10:42,625 --> 01:10:45,125 and hundreds of little ones came running out of it. 1317 01:10:45,791 --> 01:10:48,000 I thought it was perhaps a miracle. 1318 01:10:48,041 --> 01:10:49,583 Do you know about a miracle? 1319 01:10:49,625 --> 01:10:52,000 -It was sudden, cruel. -Accidental. 1320 01:10:52,041 --> 01:10:53,250 Oh. 1321 01:10:53,916 --> 01:10:55,875 It must just have been pregnant. 1322 01:10:55,916 --> 01:10:58,708 You just gave it a sort of caesarean. 1323 01:10:59,958 --> 01:11:02,875 Oh, I see. 1324 01:11:02,916 --> 01:11:04,833 I don't think it'll have been a miracle. 1325 01:11:04,875 --> 01:11:06,500 It's just nature, really. 1326 01:11:06,541 --> 01:11:07,666 Yes. 1327 01:11:08,625 --> 01:11:11,416 Except nature is a miracle, isn't it? 1328 01:11:12,958 --> 01:11:14,208 Yes. 1329 01:11:14,958 --> 01:11:16,666 I forgot that. 1330 01:11:16,708 --> 01:11:19,000 Yes, it is, supposedly. 1331 01:11:26,708 --> 01:11:28,333 Why didn't you want to kiss me? 1332 01:11:29,875 --> 01:11:33,000 Am I that grotesque to the Nth degree? 1333 01:11:35,375 --> 01:11:36,666 You're beautiful, Ann. 1334 01:11:38,541 --> 01:11:39,916 Sometimes I look at you 1335 01:11:39,958 --> 01:11:42,500 and you're so beautiful I want to cry. 1336 01:11:44,458 --> 01:11:46,041 And sometimes you look so beautiful, 1337 01:11:46,083 --> 01:11:49,083 that it makes me want to laugh and jump up and down 1338 01:11:49,125 --> 01:11:51,125 and run through the streets with no clothes on, shouting, 1339 01:11:51,166 --> 01:11:54,125 P'tang yang kipperbang in people's letterboxes. 1340 01:11:56,916 --> 01:11:58,708 But mostly you're so beautiful. 1341 01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,458 Even if it doesn't make me cry, 1342 01:12:02,500 --> 01:12:04,083 it makes my chest cry. 1343 01:12:06,666 --> 01:12:08,291 And your lips are the most beautiful. 1344 01:12:08,708 --> 01:12:10,125 Second is your nape. 1345 01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:11,541 My what? 1346 01:12:11,583 --> 01:12:14,166 The back of your neck. It's termed "the nape". 1347 01:12:14,208 --> 01:12:15,916 Oh, my nape. 1348 01:12:15,958 --> 01:12:17,250 And your skin. 1349 01:12:18,541 --> 01:12:20,375 When I walk past your desk, 1350 01:12:20,416 --> 01:12:22,833 I breathe in on purpose to smell your skin. 1351 01:12:22,875 --> 01:12:25,125 It's the most beautiful smell there is. 1352 01:12:25,166 --> 01:12:26,416 It's only Yardleys. 1353 01:12:27,041 --> 01:12:29,541 It makes me feel dizzy. Giddy. 1354 01:12:30,875 --> 01:12:32,416 You smell brand new. 1355 01:12:33,291 --> 01:12:36,041 You look brand new, all of you. 1356 01:12:36,458 --> 01:12:38,583 The little soft hairs in your arms. 1357 01:12:38,625 --> 01:12:40,958 That's down. It's not hairs. 1358 01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:44,458 It's called down. Girls can have down. 1359 01:12:44,500 --> 01:12:46,166 But mostly it's your lips. 1360 01:12:47,291 --> 01:12:49,750 That's why I've always wanted to kiss you. 1361 01:12:49,791 --> 01:12:51,458 Ever since 3B. 1362 01:12:52,541 --> 01:12:54,208 Just kiss, 1363 01:12:54,833 --> 01:12:56,500 not the other things. 1364 01:12:56,541 --> 01:12:58,750 I don't want to do the other things to you. 1365 01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:04,250 Well, I do. 1366 01:13:05,208 --> 01:13:06,833 All the other things. 1367 01:13:07,500 --> 01:13:10,291 Sometimes I want to do them with so much of feeling. 1368 01:13:14,791 --> 01:13:15,958 Um... 1369 01:13:16,750 --> 01:13:17,958 Thank you. 1370 01:13:25,166 --> 01:13:28,666 I've always wanted to tell you you were lovely. 1371 01:13:28,708 --> 01:13:30,291 Personally, I always think it's dead beauty 1372 01:13:30,333 --> 01:13:33,666 when Victor Mature or someone says a girl's lovely. 1373 01:13:34,666 --> 01:13:35,875 But you are. 1374 01:13:37,791 --> 01:13:39,291 And I know girls think it's weedy 1375 01:13:39,333 --> 01:13:41,000 when boys call them sweet. 1376 01:13:42,916 --> 01:13:44,125 But you are. 1377 01:13:46,166 --> 01:13:49,541 I don't suppose I'll ever kiss you now in my whole life. 1378 01:13:49,583 --> 01:13:51,625 Or take you to the pictures, 1379 01:13:51,666 --> 01:13:54,416 or marry you and do the other things to you. 1380 01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:59,416 But I'll never forget how you made me feel. 1381 01:13:59,958 --> 01:14:02,000 Even when I'm 50 or something. 1382 01:14:04,583 --> 01:14:06,208 Why didn't you kiss me then? 1383 01:14:20,708 --> 01:14:22,208 It's like cricketers. 1384 01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:26,458 Well, I mean, it isn't like cricketers. 1385 01:14:27,375 --> 01:14:30,708 Cyril Washbrook or Denis Compton or any of them. 1386 01:14:30,750 --> 01:14:32,958 They face the bowler 1387 01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:34,958 and there are thousands of people watching. 1388 01:14:36,166 --> 01:14:39,833 Their families and friends, all the Australian fielders, 1389 01:14:39,875 --> 01:14:42,333 the umpires, John Arlott. 1390 01:14:42,375 --> 01:14:44,750 And thousands of total strangers. 1391 01:14:45,791 --> 01:14:47,166 But they don't care. 1392 01:14:48,208 --> 01:14:51,583 Just keep their eye on the ball and play their stroke. 1393 01:14:51,625 --> 01:14:53,166 I don't know how they do it. 1394 01:14:53,833 --> 01:14:54,833 I couldn't. 1395 01:14:54,875 --> 01:14:56,625 [tender music playing] 1396 01:15:01,500 --> 01:15:02,916 Would you like to kiss me now? 1397 01:15:05,375 --> 01:15:06,958 No one's watching. 1398 01:15:08,500 --> 01:15:09,708 Why not? 1399 01:15:17,083 --> 01:15:18,208 I'm sorry. 1400 01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:20,416 It's too late. 1401 01:15:20,958 --> 01:15:23,000 It isn't even 5:00. 1402 01:15:23,041 --> 01:15:25,375 I don't mean like that. 1403 01:15:25,416 --> 01:15:27,166 Things are different now. 1404 01:15:27,208 --> 01:15:28,291 Why? 1405 01:15:28,333 --> 01:15:29,916 What things? 1406 01:15:29,958 --> 01:15:31,625 You see your writing. 1407 01:15:32,416 --> 01:15:35,500 Real men don't mess about dreaming. 1408 01:15:35,541 --> 01:15:37,291 I could kiss you. 1409 01:15:37,333 --> 01:15:39,916 But it won't be like I dreamt it'd be. 1410 01:15:39,958 --> 01:15:41,375 I know it won't. 1411 01:15:42,083 --> 01:15:43,416 Nothing is. 1412 01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:45,875 Kids kid themselves. 1413 01:15:48,541 --> 01:15:51,500 I think you won't kiss me because I said you could. 1414 01:15:53,333 --> 01:15:57,083 -Cause now I want you to. -Is that what happened? 1415 01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:59,375 You're just being sodding cruel again. 1416 01:15:59,416 --> 01:16:01,458 Only this time on purpose. 1417 01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:02,958 Don't cry. 1418 01:16:04,500 --> 01:16:07,625 I used to cry. Even in my sleep. 1419 01:16:09,958 --> 01:16:12,125 I won't any more though. 1420 01:16:12,166 --> 01:16:13,791 I've packed in crying. 1421 01:16:16,541 --> 01:16:18,750 Would you like to say P'tang yang kipperbang? 1422 01:16:21,625 --> 01:16:24,250 My favorite words are yellow ocher, 1423 01:16:24,291 --> 01:16:26,708 ... and crimson ale. 1424 01:16:26,750 --> 01:16:28,041 Very nice. 1425 01:16:31,791 --> 01:16:32,958 See you tomorrow. 1426 01:16:36,333 --> 01:16:37,541 Alan. 1427 01:16:41,500 --> 01:16:43,375 For good luck, that's all. 1428 01:16:54,833 --> 01:16:59,083 [commentator] And Duckworth... And Duckworth has done it. 1429 01:16:59,125 --> 01:17:03,625 He glances the ball calmly past fine short leg for a single. 1430 01:17:03,666 --> 01:17:06,333 England have won the most dramatic victory 1431 01:17:06,375 --> 01:17:08,333 in the history of cricket. 1432 01:17:08,375 --> 01:17:13,541 And for that record breaking 365 not out that won it, 1433 01:17:13,583 --> 01:17:17,458 the entire crowd, and I wager the entire nation 1434 01:17:17,500 --> 01:17:20,250 rises to its feet in homage 1435 01:17:20,291 --> 01:17:22,708 to Quack Quack Duckworth, 1436 01:17:22,750 --> 01:17:24,708 who went to the wicket a boy 1437 01:17:24,750 --> 01:17:26,833 and came back a man. 1438 01:17:29,666 --> 01:17:31,958 He'll be starting shaving next. 1439 01:17:32,000 --> 01:17:33,333 Then spending the rest of his life 1440 01:17:33,375 --> 01:17:34,541 trying to stop the bleeding. 1441 01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:37,125 [choir singing "All Things Bright and Beautiful"] 1442 01:18:22,916 --> 01:18:25,000 [jaunty music playing]